Random Stuffs: November 2016

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Emotion Commotion

Hey,

My parents left my Canadian apartment last Sunday. After seeing them off, I spent the whole Sunday in my boyfriend's house playing board games and peeling off price tags of toys and dog supplies (he's going to put on higher prices and resell them on Amazon later).

On Monday, for the first time, I felt a wave of demotivation towards my cult hit me. It was a whole 10 seconds but I could feel it. I could feel for the first time, it wearing on me, and that I didn't care for a whole 10 seconds about wanting to make it better or questioning what I can do to improve processes and experiences etc. It disappeared but the memory of the feeling sat on my back and I had to drag it around for the rest of my day.

That morning, for what ever reason, I remembered to charge my ipod. While walking towards my next commitment, I put on the muzik to erase that dread. I chose "Power Up" playlist which is a collection of all the super pop-py hit singles of every Kpop album I owned.

I was walking to campus and by the 3rd song, I felt good. I felt more then good. I felt hyppeeed.
For no reason. But it felt nice, way better then the lagging feeling of anxiety, confusion and unmotivation before.

I realized that, it's so dam easy to change my own emotions just from music. I started to think about all those times that like, I'm on a subway and someone rude shoves me over and says some shit like "fucking person in the way" or something, and it makes me feel like really infuriated and pissed off. And just like some interactions with rude ass people can really make me feel like my day is ruined. That's like an instance that completely changes your emotions and mood.

It got me thinking, it's so dam easy to just have something small like re-manufacture the way you are feeling you know? Sometimes for temporary shallow emotions like these, I think its worth to force good emotions out. I guess they are all real? Like what makes an emotion more real then another? Like how can you know if the happiness you're feeling when you arbitrary create in the moment of temptations isn't real? I mean it sure isn't fulfilling but as long as you have a purpose for the good feelings and you know you can put it into something fulfilling later on, isn't it worth it? And what makes all the bad feelings we have real or meaningful? I don't mean it as a "suppress your emotions" kinda way. But for small temporary instances, its easy to just change how you feel to channel the positive energy into something that is really meaningful that reflects your real real emotions.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I think sometimes we feel things, and it's not how we have to feel deep down on the inside. And we have the power to change it, since we're so easily affected anyway.