I'm tryna like cope

You know for the past 3 months I've been living the good life. I know ive been lucky and shit cause look at my daily life:

7:30 am - wake up in the morning (I used to wake up at 6:30am to exercise in the morning but that lasted like 3 weeks)

7:45 am - eat breakfast and take malaria pills

8:00 am - walk to work office and start work

12:00 pm - lunch time 

12:30 pm - find my village homies so i can borrow motorbikes from moms and dads to go to other villages 

4:00 pm - barely make it back in time to teach Adult English classes

6:00 pm - play volleyball with the villagers (who are all fuckin beasts) or go rowing/swimming/playing with my best children friends 

7:00 pm - electricity turns on!! Goes back to office to work 

8:30 pm - dinner time (eat like 3 servings) and play with children 

9:00 pm - go back to work in officr

10:00 pm - if work not hectic play with children 

11:00 pm - children go to sleep so hang out with 16 - 25 year old dudes always drinking and smoking

2:00 am - sneak into the house through my bedroom window so i dont have to wake me house mom up

Repeat everyday and still have energy somehow??? Man its weird like waking up and not hearing ocean waves or swimming inbetween work breaks. Or like when i'm feeling tired and just chilling in my house, not having a bunch of kids turn up to wake me up in the afternoon and learn choreographed zumba dances together until we know em properly. Not being able to knock on random childrens doors when i need someone to play with anytime. Not being able to go into anyones house and just borrow their facewash when i feel gross? Not having the satisfaction of feeling like im working hard and playing hard everyday and loving every single second of my life in the village. Not seeing a million stars light up the ceiling of my village. Not being able to take naps on my friends house floor cause they dont have beds but its fine it feels okay and they dont think i need a bed and really i dont.

I got so used to living in the village where community is great and people are nice but i forgot how poor my village is until i visit another village but it doesnt matter to me????

But its still good? Like i used to get so bogged down by what people think cause as cliche as ot is people here (toronto) care about work and status and image and sometimes the second you look like you not doing well people look down on you and they cant help it, theyve been trained to live like that and it used to feel hella bad but i realize i dont care about that i just wanna live my life and be cool eat tacos and fry bread and shit.

Man so many things happened but it feels lie its just a dream. Ive been trying for the past week to phone my villager friends but its like impossible cause most times there arent any phone signal but it sucked. Even though every day, hour, minute and second in my village i always thought "fuck cherish this moment, remember this forever never take any second here for granted" to prepare myself so that i would have no regrets when i left. That i could truly said i did as much as i could and lived to the fullest, still it hurt to leave so bad.

Have you ever left one person you truly truly loved with all your heart? Can you imagine leaving like 30 of them? True happiness always comes with true sadness...