Man perspective really are a killer

I have to write this down here, i just have to.
So like, at my cafe i'm a waiter, along with hway there. And tonight I had a function from 9pm to 1am, where i had to bring out canapes and booze for the crowds. One of the bartender had given his shift to his Czech Republican mate (they're both from there) and he was to act as 'manager' but not really, cause the real manager was away he was really at the same level from us (his name too, Alex).

But like yo. So i see him from that perspective. "He's not really the manager, but rather just like us, and the same level," so I treated him that way. He tried to from me and Adrienne in line and make us have that kinda 'fear' perse by saying orders and things... but my perspective still prevailed.

SO then, he took it all as a joke, and had the 'ahhh you guys are right, let's just get through this' attitude.

Therefore, what is the mode of thinking that the older Alex had?
-a) He entered the cafe thinking; I am taking over for the other manager, so i gotta make sure they are in line. *kids rebel* ok nevermind that. :\
-b) He entered the cafe thinking, ahhhh they know whatsup, I'll just make some superiority jokes and they'll do the rest
-c) He entered the cafe thinking, Man, wtf am I doing here. Oh well, gotta impress the boss, make sure to play along with the kids for a while.

-d) He entered the cafe thinking, maybe they're interesting, idk, woop nup they're fisty better not try to intervene.

Like yo, there are so many more options.

Fuck man. People are complicated, and I love it. There will be a time when we will be able to categorise personality, so enjoy this anarchy of understanding whilst you can

Peace

That stupid fucking face.

So like for work right,

I'm stuck in the middle of these  2 bosses for like the next week until one leaves.

And this fucking shitty boss has  been away so much, I am talking about my communications with my other boss or like stuff I've done without him.

Everytime I do  this, he gets this frowny face and is like 'Why wasn't I included in this?'

I'm like...


In my head:

You really want  to know? Cause in like 3 months, you have been not here at fucking all. The only reason this place has had any marketing support is because of me.

They've got admin handled, but I've dealt with literally everything marketing related, and really except like one thing, I still  am, but then he  get's that stupid fucking 'why wasn't I included in this?' face

And I want to punch him.


I'm just like so done with him and like his face and his like attitude.

I'm sure they'll be ok while I'm away, but it's like at the level where there are things I have to prepare like a week in advance.

And I'm not looking forward to my inbox coming back. 100% that's gonna be like 500+ emails.

Work

Soon I have a job coming up in Lake Munmorah, which is real close to Lake Macquarie where we had blackheath 2.0. (Was it 2.5? I can't remember). I'll be there for 2 weeks, and my auntie has a holiday house at a resort location there, which luckily no one had booked out at that time (given usually it's a spring/summer location). I'm looking so forward to living up there for the weekdays (i'll come back for the weekends), it's gonna be quiet and I'll have the place to myself to do as I please.

If anyone wants to drive/train up to me I can give you the address and cook you a killer meal

Today I finished my last class of my entire university life

My graduation will be in November.

 I'm running out of reasons to be in the city of toronto that is so strange and weird to the point that systematic racism exists in my own cult but people have no clue about it.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 My last class was an art class about curating. it was aight but we got a chance to curate our own exhibition for our final project. So my project was about performance art and how to represent it. Cause playing videos or showing performance art might not be enough.

 So my project was like 3 works:
One where the artist stares into the eyes of an audience member for 10 minutes
One where the artists communicate to each other with semaphore flags
One where the artist is google and people ask them questions

So for my show, I made everyone in my class do it.

Like I made them stare into the eyes of each other, had people pretend to be google and other class people ask them random questions and had people communicate with flags.

It was terribly awkward. but like good? People immediately sat infront of someone they knew and were like, i hate making eye contact etc...
And people didn't want to ask questions ...

But it was like ok cause it was a reflection of them and our society. The whole thing was so uncomfortable and awkward. I was like nervous laughing my way through it and my prof was like...

-----------------

Anyway, this is the way i ended my uni life. Afterwards i saw all my friends graduate.

I talk about work too much

Man

I realised today, I would totally have quit my job if like I didn't like the company or the people.

But I like my other bosses, and like the senior people, the company also is like really left wing which is really nice.

Yeah but if it wasn't, I would have quit, like a month ago, or maybe after my holiday/found a new job.



On another note, my life is just work, that's what I do now, I work, and I know a lot about work things. I spend 10 hours a day at work. Then I get like a few hours of free time  and then I sleep for 8 hours.
Fun life I lead.


On a different note, Japan in 2 weeks.


On another note - I wonder what it's gonna be like going back to answering phones after all this, probably kind of boring. Maybe not, we'll see, I'm still gonna have to answer the phones, but maybe it won't  be just admin, there is a fair bit of admin though.

It's gonna feel a bit like being demoted, a bit sad really, after all the work I put in. I wonder if they realise how much I've actually put in this past 3 months.

I think I just need a break.

hey look im hwei

black rain frog

much face

very wow

^^how i look after i've finished uni with no job till july

Blanford's rock agama

Today I learnt about the existence of this lizard.
so beautiful. what a bad ass

oh wait look at this fan-throated lizard



what the heck how did nature do this


they like fully battle and shit wow

omg sorry im not done yet


it looks like some royal ass art origami thing happening wow


This one freaks me out a little bit ^

Bell's anglehead lizard:

look at that acid throat thing!!

Today I realized I have no hesitation to fight

Two Day ago,

I go into my student cult office. It smells like weed and cigarettes. In my head I'm like ???? I look to the only member in the office. Immediately he says "Ru we got reported. I mean not report there was three of us and we were smoking up on the balcony I'm sorry Ru it's 4/20" (He says this without any pauses). 

I'm like speechless?? Cause firstly I don't know how to deal with this situation and recently I've been like angry over a lot of things in my cult. So I'm like, dude you guys are really irresponsible. I go to my meeting and I'm like I'm going to fire these people. 

Today,

I call up this dude to get his full story straight. at 10 pm another dude who was mentioned called me up to be like "Yo Ru I'm okay with whatever consequence you give me, I'll take responsibility for my actions etc. etc." So I'm all like, in cult president mode being like yea dude you were really irresponsible etc etc. 

But then on the street (I'm on the phone on the street), some dude (accompanied by a large group of friends) pats my head. It takes me a while to realize and then in my head I'm like, I gotta pat this dude's head back. So to the phone, I'm like, HOLD UP HOLD UP. 

And I turn to that dude and start walking up to him. He like runs the fuck away. And then this chick grabs me and is like "YO BITCH GO BACK TO ASIA" 

and I'm like "YOU AINT EVEN PART OF THIS" and pushes her hand away and I turn back to that guy. Then the chick yells "chow chow"??? And this other chick takes and my hat and i turn to her immediately and grab her and shes like shouting and another dude is like, yo your hats on the ground and I'm like don't do that bitch and another dude tries to grab my phone but fails and i immediately grab him and im like what the fuck was that about??? and the guy who initially pat my head was like, yo add me on instagram and i was like I aint got time for that and then one friend jumps in and his like OK OK SHOWS OVER BYE WE DONE BYEE and pulls his friend away. 

And then they go and I'm still on the phone and I was like, trying to tell this kid to like not do drugs in the office but then mid way i randomly did something dumb and picked a fight with a group of people and like how do i even life/????

Ok the end. love u all. 

hey can i just say i really like this song

italians and facebook posts part numbers don't exist

ok so one: my phone has a really really good resolution. i really love this phone holy shit.
two: i love humans man. this isn't my usual vein of, "wow italians? racist ok" or sexist or whatever else bs conservative values they hold largely
this is just something really beautiful and i think i want to share it because it's lovely
i really like to interact and observe humans. human sentiment is like a resource. in the times when i feel particularly disassociative (which is a lot) i feel like i hold the objective to be: feel whatever makes you human, and then you are human. humanity is important. it is my goal almost, in a perverse way... i mean, I am human right? yet I crave instances of humanity in place of my own. I hope this makes sense ok enough lets fukken get on with it carnt

tradux (it's a fairly literal translation)
My promise for my children that I will uphold for as long as I live.
First: I am your parent.
Second: I am your friend.
I will persecute you, I will go out of my mind for you, I will pray for you, I will drive you crazy, I will be your greatest demon and I will hunt you down like a hound, if that's required because I LOVE YOU!
When you understand this, I will know that you are a person who is adult and responsible. You won't EVER find anyone who loves you, cares for you, prays and worries for you more than me! If you don't hate me at least once in your life - it means I'm not doing my job well.
Share if you are a parent and click 'like'.

(nb i think it's really cute that 'to click' in italian is 'cliccare')

== this was shared by a girl i met in spain (an italian obvs) who is not a parent but who seems fit to go down that role pretty soon, like at the age of 22. Because in italy family is important. usually i view girls who consign themselves to having kids early and who fixate on motherhood from a young age with contempt, esp because it's kind of still the norm in 21st century italy, and because i want these girls to know they can have any fucking future they want if they leave that fucking country. Italy has really bad sexism problems holy shit!!!
but at the same time this is kinda beautiful too and i think i'm just jaded because i never got to experience the kind of family life italians do where everyone is really close (even living there i felt like an outsider in their families i could not adjust totally but it was defs my fault). i am definitely not obsessed with my mother the way *all italians* are, and i also e.g. never really fought with my parents, and so i think it's really not my place to judge.

anyway isn't humanity great. this is such a pure expression of humanity i love it

so i have this side blog

it's best-minion-memes.tumblr.com and i ran it for like 5 seconds before i got bored with the idea

the point was to make something dumb and anti-society bs because im basically still an 'edgy' teenager (that's such a dumb word made to dismiss/belittle people who think critically about issues in their society. fuck herd mentality)

anyway someone submitted this???? what? why?? why do you? do this? like?

I don't understand? this is not? good? on? any? level?
is the joke? that black people's? lives? are worth less? and the way that you are gonna say that is by pretending you murdered a black person???????????
is the joke that? there's a juxtaposition? of a dumb mascot? with a violent act?
is the joke that there is no joke? and that the meme is poorly constructed? because there's enough of a seed of a joke that this can not be the case and the meme is not obviously a bad meme - there's no artefacting or emoji or other high-level countermeme techniques present, and the meme only features one meme creation website logo so this cannot be the case!!

there is no dumb existentialism here. what social commentary there is is clouded by the fact that the meme does not seem to be overtly critical of the idea of killing a black (sorry, capital-B Black) stranger; if it's satire then they haven't put enough thought into it to make it critical, and yeah i guess it's debatable whether the point of satire is to be invisible, but in this case i would say it's definitely not clever enough to pass for satire.
it's probably just some bored white young teen who harbors racist ideas putting it out there and using the form of "meme" to cover up his racist intent, like a dog-whistle situation. putting "xd so fune meme xd xd lol" as the caption is the equivalent of saying "no offence" after like, killing a random stranger who was Black

tldr: i take my memes really seriously and i will not be pressing "post" on this meme, because it violates my dead sideblog's stringent community standards.

and also i am completely full of shit wow look at those words i use "high-level countermeme techniques" god what the hell am i even saying why do i talk so convolutedly
no tbh i love it 

we literally don't need to think about what happens after death

for thousands of years, civilisations and cultures have had their own ideas of what happens after death. These made up myths and theories are so well believed that people allocate a large amount of time, effort and resources into catering for the dead and preparing for their own death.

after all our sciencing and thinking and worshipping and building, humans are no closer to knowing what happens after death than we did thousands of years ago.

and tbh, it doesnt matter. at all. yet everyone is so fascinated with it. like shouldnt we focus on more important things? like im not saying dont respect the dead, i mean like, people who fear hell, or believe in reincarnation etc

I mean all these myths and stories are beautiful in their own way, are certainly entertaining and thought provoking, but is there really a point in caring about what happens?

will my soul leave my body? where will i go to? will i see my family?

like does that matter at all? does that change anything that happens while we're alive? why cant we accept the boring but also incredible fate of a rotted conclusion that recycles our remains into the earth.

like seriously people buy expensive urns and jewels for their dead for good luck or whatever or try not to sin, like why are we so preoccupied with what happens after death, despite 0 evidence for a long, long time?

ok tho

at some point in the future we (humans) will develop computers that are sentient
and at some point further on sentience will be cheap and easy to manufacture like today's basic computer chips
and at some point after that there will be sex robots with the cheap sentience chips built into them
they will be consciousnesses brought into existence for the sole purpose of fulfilling human sexual needs.
there might even be moral debates about it because some people will see them as slaves and some will argue that they were invented for that purpose only and that their consciousness will be calibrated such that they achieve complete fulfillment from fucking humans, just how we need food

on a completely unrelated note guys i really can't wait for the future

ooft

so much work to do
but im procrastinating
urghhhhh
im just sitting here staring at all my downloaded files i need to open and work on
ehhhhhhhh


(continues doing survivor related things)
(I'll never be apologetic for always bringing up my religion)
(I'm not a religious person I just have a relationship with jesus)

fuck depression,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

why is it so hard to open up to people or to reach out or just to even be honest

cause like everyone would get it and everyone would help if they could

I mean everyone goes through the same shit right.

I hate this

idk I just need to put these words somewhere to make them real so that they aren't just sitting in my head doing damage

I love you guys so much <3