EMOTIONS

did you know the song YMCA is actually super really fucking emotional if you peel off the party song backing. here neil cicierega already did this pls listen. i listened to this and cried a lot. it's like, a pretty emotional song about being gay in a time when it wasn't really accepted at all


it was good to cry because crying is nice and i cry a lot

ok that's my post i love you guys and i'm still alive bye ❤️

Tell me why-y-y I'm so lonely

I'm just here. To mope about the disbandment of Wonder Girls.

I'm sad.

I'm just reminiscing about the first time I heard them, was in Vietnam in a room with Marlena, Brigitta, Hui and Hogg. And that was like the starting of my K pop obsession (with AfterSchool's "Ah").

So presenting, some of Wonder Girl's best hits:

 

Nevermind i can't go through more music videos im actually getting sad...

Also they're releasing their last song on my birthday!! WOw!

alex turner's voice tho jaysus

skip to 0:56





But seriously tho on  the plane today i was lookin for 'Do I wanna know?' on my phone but it wasnt there. Went to the qantas music and AM was the first album on the list. cthulhu is real



last year in december there was a report sayin they're workin on a new album and im creying

Why

I'm trying to sleep but I can't and all I can think about is why do I have my accent??? Like one day I just decided I wanted to sound like this and now I can't talk out of it??? Even tho all my friends speak  in a different normal accent? And so does everyone else around me? I must sound so out of place all the time.

Also every time I go on some subreddit to read about things I like, I find that the rest of the fandom totally disagrees with me. It's kinda weird that we're all into this one niche but like different bits of it?? Or view areas within sooo polarizingly

Thank you like a version

sad days become ok nights

sometimes i wanna stay awake and keep staying awake because if i sleep i'll have to stop listening to the music. The ones with crazy arrangements get me man

Emotion Commotion

Hey,

My parents left my Canadian apartment last Sunday. After seeing them off, I spent the whole Sunday in my boyfriend's house playing board games and peeling off price tags of toys and dog supplies (he's going to put on higher prices and resell them on Amazon later).

On Monday, for the first time, I felt a wave of demotivation towards my cult hit me. It was a whole 10 seconds but I could feel it. I could feel for the first time, it wearing on me, and that I didn't care for a whole 10 seconds about wanting to make it better or questioning what I can do to improve processes and experiences etc. It disappeared but the memory of the feeling sat on my back and I had to drag it around for the rest of my day.

That morning, for what ever reason, I remembered to charge my ipod. While walking towards my next commitment, I put on the muzik to erase that dread. I chose "Power Up" playlist which is a collection of all the super pop-py hit singles of every Kpop album I owned.

I was walking to campus and by the 3rd song, I felt good. I felt more then good. I felt hyppeeed.
For no reason. But it felt nice, way better then the lagging feeling of anxiety, confusion and unmotivation before.

I realized that, it's so dam easy to change my own emotions just from music. I started to think about all those times that like, I'm on a subway and someone rude shoves me over and says some shit like "fucking person in the way" or something, and it makes me feel like really infuriated and pissed off. And just like some interactions with rude ass people can really make me feel like my day is ruined. That's like an instance that completely changes your emotions and mood.

It got me thinking, it's so dam easy to just have something small like re-manufacture the way you are feeling you know? Sometimes for temporary shallow emotions like these, I think its worth to force good emotions out. I guess they are all real? Like what makes an emotion more real then another? Like how can you know if the happiness you're feeling when you arbitrary create in the moment of temptations isn't real? I mean it sure isn't fulfilling but as long as you have a purpose for the good feelings and you know you can put it into something fulfilling later on, isn't it worth it? And what makes all the bad feelings we have real or meaningful? I don't mean it as a "suppress your emotions" kinda way. But for small temporary instances, its easy to just change how you feel to channel the positive energy into something that is really meaningful that reflects your real real emotions.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I think sometimes we feel things, and it's not how we have to feel deep down on the inside. And we have the power to change it, since we're so easily affected anyway.

oh my gosh i love ikea toys help me

Ikea has new toys n i feel like they are stalking me cause theres soooo many good animals!!!
First, there is square dino:
 
There's two headed birb:

 THEN MORE BIRD

LOOK AT THIS CUTIE PUFFIN!!!!  And FLAMingo!!!

They have this CACTUS TOY!!!

AND ALSO A KAWAII STONED CAMEL!!! I WANT THEM!!!

BUT I am strong  and have self control, and I did not make any of the purchase at ikea today....

fly away on my zephyr

hey i know i keep posting this shit, but man i love the lyrics to this song

Can I get your hand to write on Just a piece of leg to bite on? What a night to fly my kite on Do you want to flash your light on? Take a look it's on display for you Coming down, no not today Did you meet your fortune teller Get it off with no propeller Do it up it’s on with Stella What a way to finally smell her Pickin’ up but not too strong for you Take a piece and pass it on Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together Fly on my wind Rebel and a liberator Find a way to be a skater Rev it up to levitate her Super friendly aviator Take a look it's on display for you Comin’ down, no not today Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together In the water where I center my emotion All the world can pass me by Fly away on my zephyr We’ll find a place together Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - do you Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - won't you Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together In the water where I center my emotion All the world can pass me by Fly away on my zephyr We’re gonna live forever Forever

🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼 "did you know" / a little poem about where my head is at 🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼

ahhh ok so
here's where my head is at these days.
the theme of this topic is "my mental health" (yay that's exciting, always)

it's in the form of a poem called did you know (2016)
----
did you know that if you only study 2 units per semester you are technically a "part time student" and not a "full time student"
and did you know that if you are a "part time student" you are not eligible for youth allowance in australia
and did you know that if you are a "part time student" you are not eligible for a concession opal card in nsw
and did you know that if you don't get youth allowance due to being a "part time student" then you don't get it again until you are a full time student again

and did you know that I am doing three subjects at uni
but did you know that i desperately want to drop one of them. and did you know? that was even my plan from the start, to drop this unit as late as possible to get as much youth allowance and concession time out of it
like did you know i haven't been to a single class and i've missed some homework handins for this class
did you know also that it is a fairly technical subject that i am struggling to understand (database systems 2)

did you know the last day to withdraw from a unit without penalty is august 31
(did you know thats today!!)

did you also know that i am moving house soon and money will be tight
did you also know that i am struggling with everything in my life to the point of having frequent breakdowns
and did you know that academic stress often contributes a lot to these breakdowns
and did you know that these breakdowns involve physi-


and did you know i can't afford to keep this up both financially and mentally
did you know i have no idea what road to take, whether to drop the unit and pay more for everything with less money available, or to keep it up and go fucking insane and like, die (not literally die, like, die as in "im dieing" die)
and did yuo kno

wait no stop this isn't a poem this is just me explaining the fucking dilemma i'm in using formatting and the words "did you know" to trick you into reading it because i know you like poems ♥️
no i made that up i don't know if you like poems or not sorry it's bad to assume the experiences of other people. maybe you don't like poems that's cool too i love you anyway

anyway i hope i have made myself clear please just like give me a hug or something next time you see me because im going down the road of continuing this unit
and i don't know how i'll be able to cope with it or even begin to get back on track esp as it;s gonna need a lot of coding and coding makes my hands hurt again which makes me hate my life 4x as much

ugh im being a drama queen or some shit idk soz for being depressing im just stuck in my head etc.
aaaaaaaalso it's 1am and i've had alcohol for the first time in maybe 10 months and it affected me more than i thought it would so maybe this post came out of thattt umm idk idk bye

going through a lot of weird / normal feels

ah man

i don't know
i have a stupid job i guess which is good?? but it's giving me so much perspective on people
like people are so fucking predictable and stereotypical and shit talky and blah

i cant stand sitting in meetings and seeing everyone dress the same fucking uniform
like why is everyone in grey and white and navy
idk i guess this is a stupid complain
and i hate the way everyone talks the same
and i hate how people react so predictably to shit
and why cant people think for themselves

im not ready for adult life or ok with it

i miss everyone and i hate how we dont live in the same country... its been a while since the entire crew has been in 1 place together..
i know
im a fuckin child teenager person
also im sad because im a bit sick and also my leg doesnt work and my arms are always tired
and im so over explaining to people how i broke my leg or how to pronounce my name
and telling people where im from (eventho i am super proud to be south east or whatevs)

anyway im glad i dont work in a cafe or science lab as my main income because this broken leg thing would not fly.

i just.. what is life.. like why.. people are so fucking caught up..

i'm so lucky to have such beautiful friends though

0  clue with wtf im doin errday

oh wait more hui things!

didyou kno apparently skateboarding will be an olympic sport in 2020?? like wtf??/ thats mental!

also one piece is the best selling manga series in history as of this month, with 380 million copies printed worldwide! how dope is that!

torturing myself

still having issues getting over this
first world problems i suppose
but fuck man this song gives me life
as soon as that guitar started man
tears
so many tears


ah man help me

Man perspective really are a killer

I have to write this down here, i just have to.
So like, at my cafe i'm a waiter, along with hway there. And tonight I had a function from 9pm to 1am, where i had to bring out canapes and booze for the crowds. One of the bartender had given his shift to his Czech Republican mate (they're both from there) and he was to act as 'manager' but not really, cause the real manager was away he was really at the same level from us (his name too, Alex).

But like yo. So i see him from that perspective. "He's not really the manager, but rather just like us, and the same level," so I treated him that way. He tried to from me and Adrienne in line and make us have that kinda 'fear' perse by saying orders and things... but my perspective still prevailed.

SO then, he took it all as a joke, and had the 'ahhh you guys are right, let's just get through this' attitude.

Therefore, what is the mode of thinking that the older Alex had?
-a) He entered the cafe thinking; I am taking over for the other manager, so i gotta make sure they are in line. *kids rebel* ok nevermind that. :\
-b) He entered the cafe thinking, ahhhh they know whatsup, I'll just make some superiority jokes and they'll do the rest
-c) He entered the cafe thinking, Man, wtf am I doing here. Oh well, gotta impress the boss, make sure to play along with the kids for a while.

-d) He entered the cafe thinking, maybe they're interesting, idk, woop nup they're fisty better not try to intervene.

Like yo, there are so many more options.

Fuck man. People are complicated, and I love it. There will be a time when we will be able to categorise personality, so enjoy this anarchy of understanding whilst you can

Peace

That stupid fucking face.

So like for work right,

I'm stuck in the middle of these  2 bosses for like the next week until one leaves.

And this fucking shitty boss has  been away so much, I am talking about my communications with my other boss or like stuff I've done without him.

Everytime I do  this, he gets this frowny face and is like 'Why wasn't I included in this?'

I'm like...


In my head:

You really want  to know? Cause in like 3 months, you have been not here at fucking all. The only reason this place has had any marketing support is because of me.

They've got admin handled, but I've dealt with literally everything marketing related, and really except like one thing, I still  am, but then he  get's that stupid fucking 'why wasn't I included in this?' face

And I want to punch him.


I'm just like so done with him and like his face and his like attitude.

I'm sure they'll be ok while I'm away, but it's like at the level where there are things I have to prepare like a week in advance.

And I'm not looking forward to my inbox coming back. 100% that's gonna be like 500+ emails.

Work

Soon I have a job coming up in Lake Munmorah, which is real close to Lake Macquarie where we had blackheath 2.0. (Was it 2.5? I can't remember). I'll be there for 2 weeks, and my auntie has a holiday house at a resort location there, which luckily no one had booked out at that time (given usually it's a spring/summer location). I'm looking so forward to living up there for the weekdays (i'll come back for the weekends), it's gonna be quiet and I'll have the place to myself to do as I please.

If anyone wants to drive/train up to me I can give you the address and cook you a killer meal

Today I finished my last class of my entire university life

My graduation will be in November.

 I'm running out of reasons to be in the city of toronto that is so strange and weird to the point that systematic racism exists in my own cult but people have no clue about it.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 My last class was an art class about curating. it was aight but we got a chance to curate our own exhibition for our final project. So my project was about performance art and how to represent it. Cause playing videos or showing performance art might not be enough.

 So my project was like 3 works:
One where the artist stares into the eyes of an audience member for 10 minutes
One where the artists communicate to each other with semaphore flags
One where the artist is google and people ask them questions

So for my show, I made everyone in my class do it.

Like I made them stare into the eyes of each other, had people pretend to be google and other class people ask them random questions and had people communicate with flags.

It was terribly awkward. but like good? People immediately sat infront of someone they knew and were like, i hate making eye contact etc...
And people didn't want to ask questions ...

But it was like ok cause it was a reflection of them and our society. The whole thing was so uncomfortable and awkward. I was like nervous laughing my way through it and my prof was like...

-----------------

Anyway, this is the way i ended my uni life. Afterwards i saw all my friends graduate.