Saturday, February 27, 2016
Friday, February 26, 2016
I'm a big cry baby
For some reason,
I cry a lot in EVERY situation.
Like literally if I feel close enough to someone I end up crying in front of them ALL the time.
Recently, I've been crying on the walk home from school almost everyday And just now I cried on the bus to my meeting and then on the train to my other commitment and then a few times inbetween skype calls and making art work.
And then i cry doing random things, like when i was working on my last art project, or doing photoshop and films too, man I'm a wreck.
I watched the ended of one the arcs in hunterXhunter and I was a mess. My boyfriend was like ????????? but then im always like that.
Like the other day he was like, hey ru how are you, and for some reason i started crying.
And it isn't like sad crying??? I don't know. And listening to a lot of songs also makes me cry, like i did for this one too. It's an ok song i guess.
On a positive note, i'm doing ok in school, no know what im doing in life but making art. xx
I cry a lot in EVERY situation.
Like literally if I feel close enough to someone I end up crying in front of them ALL the time.
Recently, I've been crying on the walk home from school almost everyday And just now I cried on the bus to my meeting and then on the train to my other commitment and then a few times inbetween skype calls and making art work.
And then i cry doing random things, like when i was working on my last art project, or doing photoshop and films too, man I'm a wreck.
I watched the ended of one the arcs in hunterXhunter and I was a mess. My boyfriend was like ????????? but then im always like that.
Like the other day he was like, hey ru how are you, and for some reason i started crying.
And it isn't like sad crying??? I don't know. And listening to a lot of songs also makes me cry, like i did for this one too. It's an ok song i guess.
On a positive note, i'm doing ok in school, no know what im doing in life but making art. xx
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Complains
urghhhh
I was on the facebook and the news told me that "uptown funk" won song of the year
ughhrhrhhhhhgh
what an irritating basic song.
why
and then
fucking basic bitch aka neo taylor swift, wins album of the year
were there no better albums that her basic literal bs music??????
she used to be good
by no means do my opinions represent any majority or a technical point of view but
urghhh
why
at this rate that 'cant feel my face' shit could also be song of the month or whatever
like are there seriously no better musicians and songs throughout the entirety of last year?? i just. merhhhhh
Edit: I just watched beyonce's formation
dude man even when you wanna not like her because she's so mainstream, you cannot deny that she's good. man I cannot fault her musicality and positive entertainment value. wow.
I was on the facebook and the news told me that "uptown funk" won song of the year
ughhrhrhhhhhgh
what an irritating basic song.
why
and then
fucking basic bitch aka neo taylor swift, wins album of the year
were there no better albums that her basic literal bs music??????
she used to be good
by no means do my opinions represent any majority or a technical point of view but
urghhh
why
at this rate that 'cant feel my face' shit could also be song of the month or whatever
like are there seriously no better musicians and songs throughout the entirety of last year?? i just. merhhhhh
Edit: I just watched beyonce's formation
dude man even when you wanna not like her because she's so mainstream, you cannot deny that she's good. man I cannot fault her musicality and positive entertainment value. wow.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
i just had one of the most uncomfortable counselor sessions of my life
this is just a dump of things im feeling and thinking right now and its very personal and kind of at the core of who i am so apologies in advance
but i feel like i gotta say the stuff you know. get it out there or some shit.
like, i was cool talking about the more surface level stuff but i said all of it and my counselor put two and two together and said basically like
"you feel guilty for asserting yourself"
welp.i've basically been trying to suppress my teenage years but turns out they are super relevant to my own growth as a person
so like i never had a rebellious stage as a teenager
and it's bc my parents never gave me the affection or attention that i needed
i was fucking anorexic (read: i'm still basically anorexic) and nobody paid attention or took it seriously
and every time i tried to bring it up it was dismissed bc "guys don't get anorexia" which i know they didnt believe but it was the hand-wavy way they used to ignore my problems and pretend everything was fine
and every time i tried to bring up that i was depressed it was dismissed, until the Rhiannon shit went down and they couldnt ignore it and all that happened was i got antidepressants until i got over the depression myself
and basically the end result of that is that a) i never discovered myself as a teenager like you're supposed to and b) every time i have to stand up for myself i devalue my own importance and i try too hard to make everyone else happy but i basically don't think of myself as being worthy of having that happiness.
every time i need to assert myself (e.g. recently i wanted to quit my job bc it's making my hands really bad) i feel really guilty about it!!
anyway that's just a fucked up thing about myself, that i can't be assertive because i've been conditioned to feel shameful about it.
counseling is super good once you open yourself up. but it's super fucking uncomfortable too sometimes haha ha fuck
ok cool thanks for listening and i love you guys ❤️ goodbye
but i feel like i gotta say the stuff you know. get it out there or some shit.
like, i was cool talking about the more surface level stuff but i said all of it and my counselor put two and two together and said basically like
"you feel guilty for asserting yourself"
welp.i've basically been trying to suppress my teenage years but turns out they are super relevant to my own growth as a person
so like i never had a rebellious stage as a teenager
and it's bc my parents never gave me the affection or attention that i needed
i was fucking anorexic (read: i'm still basically anorexic) and nobody paid attention or took it seriously
and every time i tried to bring it up it was dismissed bc "guys don't get anorexia" which i know they didnt believe but it was the hand-wavy way they used to ignore my problems and pretend everything was fine
and every time i tried to bring up that i was depressed it was dismissed, until the Rhiannon shit went down and they couldnt ignore it and all that happened was i got antidepressants until i got over the depression myself
and basically the end result of that is that a) i never discovered myself as a teenager like you're supposed to and b) every time i have to stand up for myself i devalue my own importance and i try too hard to make everyone else happy but i basically don't think of myself as being worthy of having that happiness.
every time i need to assert myself (e.g. recently i wanted to quit my job bc it's making my hands really bad) i feel really guilty about it!!
anyway that's just a fucked up thing about myself, that i can't be assertive because i've been conditioned to feel shameful about it.
counseling is super good once you open yourself up. but it's super fucking uncomfortable too sometimes haha ha fuck
ok cool thanks for listening and i love you guys ❤️ goodbye
Sunday, February 7, 2016
origin of the survivor theme song
Hey I think I mentioned it before but the Survivor theme song has some funky origins. So most of you guys will recognize it as this:
But did yuo know that the song was originally a super old (dates back to early 18th century) love song with Russian origins. According to a Reddit post, the song contains a lot of old expressions that are no longer being used in modern Russian and cannot be translated accurately into English. Here's a lady singing it (go to 0:49)
And here's an updated version of the folk song by a Russian composer in 1988. This is seriously legit an amazing song:
I guess this is kinda surprising since the Survivor song sounds super chanty/tribal/islandy. The moar you kno.
But did yuo know that the song was originally a super old (dates back to early 18th century) love song with Russian origins. According to a Reddit post, the song contains a lot of old expressions that are no longer being used in modern Russian and cannot be translated accurately into English. Here's a lady singing it (go to 0:49)
And here's an updated version of the folk song by a Russian composer in 1988. This is seriously legit an amazing song:
I guess this is kinda surprising since the Survivor song sounds super chanty/tribal/islandy. The moar you kno.
I'm reading an excellent book that's essentially a compilation of english and science essays by Stephen Jay Gould
The book has loads of fun facts but more importantly, it communicates reasonable and rational stuff that I think of that I can't put in words. Basically I agree with everything the book says and it makes me feel good.
The book was written 24 years ago but some of the text is more relevant today than ever.
Here's a quote i really enjoyed:
'The world of USA Today is a realm of instant fact and no analysis.'
'The world of USA Today is a realm of instant fact and no analysis.'
YES. THIS.
like for example, people on the facebook/tumblr who literally repost some statement that overlays a picture about how GM food is bad (the food itself is not, everything we eat has genes like come on); how you can buy dangerous diseases online (how else are we going to study them and created preventatives you idiots) and even; why vaccinations are bad (why do you ignore the science and history).
Like why do people believe stuff so easily?? If they cared to expand their knowledge or cared enough about the information to post it then why don't they look it up and find out for themselves? These people only care about the information as they're reading it or as a way to "one-up" other people. It's not hard to check the sources.
Or shit like "why the earth is rly flat!!1"
Or shit like "why the earth is rly flat!!1"
there's like 1 video on it on the youtube. there's 1000+ resources and evidence that the earth is not. why do people go out of their way to be reversists?
The answer is simple. Because emotion. Because it's exciting to go against the grain. But that's all people care about. "Wake up sheeple" says some government-paranoid fuck on my facebook who doesnt trust medical science because they think that "the government" and "evil scientist" are synonymous/ closely related. WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE YOURSELF. THE INFO IS OUT THERE
People straight up don't care about the truth. they rather be wow'd. they rather impress other people, they would rather flaunt a meaningless statement.
That's why creationists still exist. Because it's more 'impressive' that a single figure boomed down on our planet and started life, instead of the idea of a gradual continuity. a slow progression.
And what about the fucks who are like 'oh but we don't really know, everything is possible'
like dude. you want to believe something that has a 1% chance of being real instead of something else that has 77% chance, because you want to be different, because 'anything is possible'. like mate, you are lacking common sense.
ok, another good quote from the book: "Europeans learned about corn and potatoes from Native Americans and gave them smallpox in return".
also
"the cat who fell off a roof in Topeka (and lived) gets the same space as the Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Equality is a magnificent system for human rights and morality in general, but not for the evaluation of information. We are bombarded with too much in our inordinately complex world; if we cannot sort the trivial from the profound, we are lost in terminal overload. The criteria for sorting must involve context and theory- the larger perspective that a good education provides"
Dude this problem is 700% worse today. Today we have the burden that is celebrities and their pathetic lives that keep getting reported on; what they wear, what they do, whether they have kids etc etc. I wish we could just ignore all that bs and focus on the important shit. I wish there was no demand for that mindless crap and they would stop providing news stories on shit like that.
rant over.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
spanish and facebook posts: the depressing yet completely obvious sequel to italians and memes
ok well not really so much of a sequel as just a depressing reminder that so many europeans (and most of the first world populace actually somehow) (and probably most people full stop) are cunts and I feel so fucking strongly about this bullshit that I can't not share fuckk.
don't get me wrong i've seen some horrible memes from spanish people i just thought i'd start with this. less of a meme and more of... i mean, what even is this shit. please i hope you imagine correctly the intonation i use when i say the word "shit" just then, like imagine me with my face all twisted up and looking down on this
yeah you might have to click it to see it in all it's glory.
and yes. that image was actually legit that low quality, with the arrow buttons actually part of the image. you can barely read it
translation and caricature: (each line is a sign, left to right)
socialist (note that he's short and unkempt and meant to look like he's stoned bc weed = bad): "YOU MUST INTEGRATE YOURSELF WITH THE FOREIGNERS"
native south american (this is cute, this is one you don't usually see in the equivalent vitriolic rhino shit from other countries): "EXTERMINATE THE EUROPEANS" (wait but the europeans... did that to the south americans... umm...)
seedy creepy pedophile caricature clutching onto kid because that's what right wing people are going to draw in their hate cartoons: "LEGALISE PEDOPHILIA ALREADY!" (what world do you live in where you think people fight for this cause. what the actual fuck)
punk w mohawk: "ANARCHY OR DEATH" (lol punk is dead m8)
very racially caricatured terrorist "ALLAHU AKBAR! ALLAHU AKBAR!"
i can't read the next one but i'm assuming it's a strawman feminist because of the symbol below the text
terrorist in niqab that they probably think is a burqa: "ACCEPT ISLAM, INFIDELS"
the gay fatcat: "GAY" "AGAINST TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE" like he literally just says his stance on the issue on a piece of cardboard also fuck that noise like as if gay people don't want traditional marriages to happen. like it's not like you can only choose between gay or straight marriage. what the fuck is wrong with your marriage if you feel you need to safeguard "marriage" from "the gays." your marriage is probably shit ok let's not kid ourselves your marriage is shit because you married someone you hate who hates you because you hate fucking everyone. you have no meaningful connections to a single other human being and this hateful shit is how it manifests ok moving on (also is it supposed to be some damning of the corporate world because your protagonist is an accountant or runs numbers for marketing for all we know)
angry woman "fascist!" also is this supposed that in your view women can't get angry bc then you paint them as ugle. jesus man
lol who wants to be a balding milquetoast 50-something businessman why do you choose this as your avatar you're drawing the cartoon yourself you know that. you could choose anyone. idealise yourself a little. don't just go straight for the frozen food section in your supermarket, c'mon how hard is it to chop vegetables yourself, it's your turn to cook, that's just kinda sad?... what do you mean you missed your daughters play at school? I mean you don't even know her that well. like i bet you couldn't tell me the names of her friends. oh and you forgot your anniversary too are we supposed to be sympathetic towards you for having a terrible marriage? okay so i made the majority of these descriptors up but you can see the type of person that i associate with the exact image of the person you've chosen to represent yourself as in this cartoon: "DEFEND, ENCOURAGE AND PROTECT YOUR SPANISH CULTURE [spanish flag]" nb spanish culture died with franco
for reference comments on the image in fb:
1) "that's the sad reality that we must change" (idk if this is pro or against but im gonna guess from context it's pro the opinions smugly-shat-out-onto-the-floor by the original picture)
2) "what's happening in spain is deplorable, so many laws and few obligations"
3) "spanish culture?"
ok it's basically just hate speech actually like it's one of those misguided things where right wing people try to justify the fact that they hate anybody not like them passionately and also they pretty much hate everyone like them and they live their tiny little lives embracing hate and hating their friends and their life and then acting victimised by it because they have never had to face any real pain or discrimination in their fucking tiny little village person lives. they are usually white and men and straight and would probably not hesitate to disown a child for being gay. can I just say, from my experiences, spain is a country where a huge number of the population is actively fascist. literally the same as defending the right to be a bigot. it's such dog whistle bullshit everyone actually knows that underneath the very very transparent facade, they deep down believe in eugenics and would probably commit mass shootings without thinking twice.
no like actually though i have trouble seeing far right wing people as being capable of having any ounce of compassion at all it just seems like they live small lives with zero exposure to the outside world at fucking all!!! like what
is this just a base reaction to people pointing out that you are a fascist because you pretty much hate everything? they are acting as if "defending traditions and culture" is this noble thing that because you stand under that banner, you get the okay to put everyone in these tiny little boxes that are specifically out to get you because because.
but it gets so much worse because the spanish flag is still so strongly associated with Franco and his fascist regime like basically anyone who says this shit probably actually would have turned their neighbours in to the secret police or the catholic church.
fuck i'm out. i know it's really not worth the effort but it's like, you're a person i knew in real life. you're 20. fucking hell man. i actually unfriended him after this and usually i like to keep the foreign language peeps as friends for language practice and shit
(i feel like i'm not that good at explaining or describing things haha)
don't get me wrong i've seen some horrible memes from spanish people i just thought i'd start with this. less of a meme and more of... i mean, what even is this shit. please i hope you imagine correctly the intonation i use when i say the word "shit" just then, like imagine me with my face all twisted up and looking down on this
and yes. that image was actually legit that low quality, with the arrow buttons actually part of the image. you can barely read it
translation and caricature: (each line is a sign, left to right)
socialist (note that he's short and unkempt and meant to look like he's stoned bc weed = bad): "YOU MUST INTEGRATE YOURSELF WITH THE FOREIGNERS"
native south american (this is cute, this is one you don't usually see in the equivalent vitriolic rhino shit from other countries): "EXTERMINATE THE EUROPEANS" (wait but the europeans... did that to the south americans... umm...)
seedy creepy pedophile caricature clutching onto kid because that's what right wing people are going to draw in their hate cartoons: "LEGALISE PEDOPHILIA ALREADY!" (what world do you live in where you think people fight for this cause. what the actual fuck)
punk w mohawk: "ANARCHY OR DEATH" (lol punk is dead m8)
very racially caricatured terrorist "ALLAHU AKBAR! ALLAHU AKBAR!"
i can't read the next one but i'm assuming it's a strawman feminist because of the symbol below the text
terrorist in niqab that they probably think is a burqa: "ACCEPT ISLAM, INFIDELS"
the gay fatcat: "GAY" "AGAINST TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE" like he literally just says his stance on the issue on a piece of cardboard also fuck that noise like as if gay people don't want traditional marriages to happen. like it's not like you can only choose between gay or straight marriage. what the fuck is wrong with your marriage if you feel you need to safeguard "marriage" from "the gays." your marriage is probably shit ok let's not kid ourselves your marriage is shit because you married someone you hate who hates you because you hate fucking everyone. you have no meaningful connections to a single other human being and this hateful shit is how it manifests ok moving on (also is it supposed to be some damning of the corporate world because your protagonist is an accountant or runs numbers for marketing for all we know)
angry woman "fascist!" also is this supposed that in your view women can't get angry bc then you paint them as ugle. jesus man
lol who wants to be a balding milquetoast 50-something businessman why do you choose this as your avatar you're drawing the cartoon yourself you know that. you could choose anyone. idealise yourself a little. don't just go straight for the frozen food section in your supermarket, c'mon how hard is it to chop vegetables yourself, it's your turn to cook, that's just kinda sad?... what do you mean you missed your daughters play at school? I mean you don't even know her that well. like i bet you couldn't tell me the names of her friends. oh and you forgot your anniversary too are we supposed to be sympathetic towards you for having a terrible marriage? okay so i made the majority of these descriptors up but you can see the type of person that i associate with the exact image of the person you've chosen to represent yourself as in this cartoon: "DEFEND, ENCOURAGE AND PROTECT YOUR SPANISH CULTURE [spanish flag]" nb spanish culture died with franco
for reference comments on the image in fb:
1) "that's the sad reality that we must change" (idk if this is pro or against but im gonna guess from context it's pro the opinions smugly-shat-out-onto-the-floor by the original picture)
2) "what's happening in spain is deplorable, so many laws and few obligations"
3) "spanish culture?"
ok it's basically just hate speech actually like it's one of those misguided things where right wing people try to justify the fact that they hate anybody not like them passionately and also they pretty much hate everyone like them and they live their tiny little lives embracing hate and hating their friends and their life and then acting victimised by it because they have never had to face any real pain or discrimination in their fucking tiny little village person lives. they are usually white and men and straight and would probably not hesitate to disown a child for being gay. can I just say, from my experiences, spain is a country where a huge number of the population is actively fascist. literally the same as defending the right to be a bigot. it's such dog whistle bullshit everyone actually knows that underneath the very very transparent facade, they deep down believe in eugenics and would probably commit mass shootings without thinking twice.
no like actually though i have trouble seeing far right wing people as being capable of having any ounce of compassion at all it just seems like they live small lives with zero exposure to the outside world at fucking all!!! like what
is this just a base reaction to people pointing out that you are a fascist because you pretty much hate everything? they are acting as if "defending traditions and culture" is this noble thing that because you stand under that banner, you get the okay to put everyone in these tiny little boxes that are specifically out to get you because because.
but it gets so much worse because the spanish flag is still so strongly associated with Franco and his fascist regime like basically anyone who says this shit probably actually would have turned their neighbours in to the secret police or the catholic church.
fuck i'm out. i know it's really not worth the effort but it's like, you're a person i knew in real life. you're 20. fucking hell man. i actually unfriended him after this and usually i like to keep the foreign language peeps as friends for language practice and shit
(i feel like i'm not that good at explaining or describing things haha)
Video game vision is coming back
Where special events are like cut scenes, interactions with people are option based and strategic, a general lack of high emotion but still passionate somehow. I don't mind it, it just makes me feel dull and grade everything I do in a ranking from 'S/A/B/C/F.' For example, if i do the dishes afterwards i imagine the rewards screen after, look at time taken see a "B" or something come up. Speaking with people i take more time to think ahead about what is coming in the conversation, so i talk slower and use body gestures that aren't really mine but rather that of a business man or something.
Shoulda stopped playing games as a kid, i'd be so much more productive otherwise. I wonder what normal people do to waste time alone... Maybe they're never alone; hence they haven't developed a self-defining character.
I want to observe people's daily movements, understand why they do things and what they're thinking of surroundings; how much they notice or care (e.g a construction company on a sidewalk, or broken glass on the street).
Shoulda stopped playing games as a kid, i'd be so much more productive otherwise. I wonder what normal people do to waste time alone... Maybe they're never alone; hence they haven't developed a self-defining character.
I want to observe people's daily movements, understand why they do things and what they're thinking of surroundings; how much they notice or care (e.g a construction company on a sidewalk, or broken glass on the street).
Thursday, February 4, 2016
so i bought a little cable for my battery
like i have this portable battery that i carry around to improve the (bloody hopeless) battery life on my phone
and so i saw this cable & fuckken, went for it bc it's the perfect accessory.
anyway then i realised to fit this on my battery (which has a little keyring slot) I'm gonna need like, a jewellery split-ring
and i was looking online and turns out they sell them on ebay for $2.50 for 100
so I bought 100 3mm rings and 100 4mm rings and I just need one and I bought 200 bc I don't know what size I need.
man we live in such a time of excess s2g
and so i saw this cable & fuckken, went for it bc it's the perfect accessory.
anyway then i realised to fit this on my battery (which has a little keyring slot) I'm gonna need like, a jewellery split-ring
and i was looking online and turns out they sell them on ebay for $2.50 for 100
so I bought 100 3mm rings and 100 4mm rings and I just need one and I bought 200 bc I don't know what size I need.
man we live in such a time of excess s2g
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Life is great right now
I wanna travel everywhere haha. I don't want a house/car or anything else that'll tie me down just yet. I may regret this 40 years down the line, but i love it
HOLY SHIT TAKE ME TO LISBON
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING LINE UP
LIKE
ARE
YOU
KIDDING
ME
its $119 euros for all 3 days
thats 182 bucks in Aus currency
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Alex if you're out of the country by then you have to go holy shit
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