Today I realized I have no hesitation to fight

Two Day ago,

I go into my student cult office. It smells like weed and cigarettes. In my head I'm like ???? I look to the only member in the office. Immediately he says "Ru we got reported. I mean not report there was three of us and we were smoking up on the balcony I'm sorry Ru it's 4/20" (He says this without any pauses). 

I'm like speechless?? Cause firstly I don't know how to deal with this situation and recently I've been like angry over a lot of things in my cult. So I'm like, dude you guys are really irresponsible. I go to my meeting and I'm like I'm going to fire these people. 

Today,

I call up this dude to get his full story straight. at 10 pm another dude who was mentioned called me up to be like "Yo Ru I'm okay with whatever consequence you give me, I'll take responsibility for my actions etc. etc." So I'm all like, in cult president mode being like yea dude you were really irresponsible etc etc. 

But then on the street (I'm on the phone on the street), some dude (accompanied by a large group of friends) pats my head. It takes me a while to realize and then in my head I'm like, I gotta pat this dude's head back. So to the phone, I'm like, HOLD UP HOLD UP. 

And I turn to that dude and start walking up to him. He like runs the fuck away. And then this chick grabs me and is like "YO BITCH GO BACK TO ASIA" 

and I'm like "YOU AINT EVEN PART OF THIS" and pushes her hand away and I turn back to that guy. Then the chick yells "chow chow"??? And this other chick takes and my hat and i turn to her immediately and grab her and shes like shouting and another dude is like, yo your hats on the ground and I'm like don't do that bitch and another dude tries to grab my phone but fails and i immediately grab him and im like what the fuck was that about??? and the guy who initially pat my head was like, yo add me on instagram and i was like I aint got time for that and then one friend jumps in and his like OK OK SHOWS OVER BYE WE DONE BYEE and pulls his friend away. 

And then they go and I'm still on the phone and I was like, trying to tell this kid to like not do drugs in the office but then mid way i randomly did something dumb and picked a fight with a group of people and like how do i even life/????

Ok the end. love u all. 

hey can i just say i really like this song

italians and facebook posts part numbers don't exist

ok so one: my phone has a really really good resolution. i really love this phone holy shit.
two: i love humans man. this isn't my usual vein of, "wow italians? racist ok" or sexist or whatever else bs conservative values they hold largely
this is just something really beautiful and i think i want to share it because it's lovely
i really like to interact and observe humans. human sentiment is like a resource. in the times when i feel particularly disassociative (which is a lot) i feel like i hold the objective to be: feel whatever makes you human, and then you are human. humanity is important. it is my goal almost, in a perverse way... i mean, I am human right? yet I crave instances of humanity in place of my own. I hope this makes sense ok enough lets fukken get on with it carnt

tradux (it's a fairly literal translation)
My promise for my children that I will uphold for as long as I live.
First: I am your parent.
Second: I am your friend.
I will persecute you, I will go out of my mind for you, I will pray for you, I will drive you crazy, I will be your greatest demon and I will hunt you down like a hound, if that's required because I LOVE YOU!
When you understand this, I will know that you are a person who is adult and responsible. You won't EVER find anyone who loves you, cares for you, prays and worries for you more than me! If you don't hate me at least once in your life - it means I'm not doing my job well.
Share if you are a parent and click 'like'.

(nb i think it's really cute that 'to click' in italian is 'cliccare')

== this was shared by a girl i met in spain (an italian obvs) who is not a parent but who seems fit to go down that role pretty soon, like at the age of 22. Because in italy family is important. usually i view girls who consign themselves to having kids early and who fixate on motherhood from a young age with contempt, esp because it's kind of still the norm in 21st century italy, and because i want these girls to know they can have any fucking future they want if they leave that fucking country. Italy has really bad sexism problems holy shit!!!
but at the same time this is kinda beautiful too and i think i'm just jaded because i never got to experience the kind of family life italians do where everyone is really close (even living there i felt like an outsider in their families i could not adjust totally but it was defs my fault). i am definitely not obsessed with my mother the way *all italians* are, and i also e.g. never really fought with my parents, and so i think it's really not my place to judge.

anyway isn't humanity great. this is such a pure expression of humanity i love it

so i have this side blog

it's best-minion-memes.tumblr.com and i ran it for like 5 seconds before i got bored with the idea

the point was to make something dumb and anti-society bs because im basically still an 'edgy' teenager (that's such a dumb word made to dismiss/belittle people who think critically about issues in their society. fuck herd mentality)

anyway someone submitted this???? what? why?? why do you? do this? like?

I don't understand? this is not? good? on? any? level?
is the joke? that black people's? lives? are worth less? and the way that you are gonna say that is by pretending you murdered a black person???????????
is the joke that? there's a juxtaposition? of a dumb mascot? with a violent act?
is the joke that there is no joke? and that the meme is poorly constructed? because there's enough of a seed of a joke that this can not be the case and the meme is not obviously a bad meme - there's no artefacting or emoji or other high-level countermeme techniques present, and the meme only features one meme creation website logo so this cannot be the case!!

there is no dumb existentialism here. what social commentary there is is clouded by the fact that the meme does not seem to be overtly critical of the idea of killing a black (sorry, capital-B Black) stranger; if it's satire then they haven't put enough thought into it to make it critical, and yeah i guess it's debatable whether the point of satire is to be invisible, but in this case i would say it's definitely not clever enough to pass for satire.
it's probably just some bored white young teen who harbors racist ideas putting it out there and using the form of "meme" to cover up his racist intent, like a dog-whistle situation. putting "xd so fune meme xd xd lol" as the caption is the equivalent of saying "no offence" after like, killing a random stranger who was Black

tldr: i take my memes really seriously and i will not be pressing "post" on this meme, because it violates my dead sideblog's stringent community standards.

and also i am completely full of shit wow look at those words i use "high-level countermeme techniques" god what the hell am i even saying why do i talk so convolutedly
no tbh i love it 

we literally don't need to think about what happens after death

for thousands of years, civilisations and cultures have had their own ideas of what happens after death. These made up myths and theories are so well believed that people allocate a large amount of time, effort and resources into catering for the dead and preparing for their own death.

after all our sciencing and thinking and worshipping and building, humans are no closer to knowing what happens after death than we did thousands of years ago.

and tbh, it doesnt matter. at all. yet everyone is so fascinated with it. like shouldnt we focus on more important things? like im not saying dont respect the dead, i mean like, people who fear hell, or believe in reincarnation etc

I mean all these myths and stories are beautiful in their own way, are certainly entertaining and thought provoking, but is there really a point in caring about what happens?

will my soul leave my body? where will i go to? will i see my family?

like does that matter at all? does that change anything that happens while we're alive? why cant we accept the boring but also incredible fate of a rotted conclusion that recycles our remains into the earth.

like seriously people buy expensive urns and jewels for their dead for good luck or whatever or try not to sin, like why are we so preoccupied with what happens after death, despite 0 evidence for a long, long time?

ok tho

at some point in the future we (humans) will develop computers that are sentient
and at some point further on sentience will be cheap and easy to manufacture like today's basic computer chips
and at some point after that there will be sex robots with the cheap sentience chips built into them
they will be consciousnesses brought into existence for the sole purpose of fulfilling human sexual needs.
there might even be moral debates about it because some people will see them as slaves and some will argue that they were invented for that purpose only and that their consciousness will be calibrated such that they achieve complete fulfillment from fucking humans, just how we need food

on a completely unrelated note guys i really can't wait for the future

ooft

so much work to do
but im procrastinating
urghhhhh
im just sitting here staring at all my downloaded files i need to open and work on
ehhhhhhhh


(continues doing survivor related things)
(I'll never be apologetic for always bringing up my religion)
(I'm not a religious person I just have a relationship with jesus)

fuck depression,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

why is it so hard to open up to people or to reach out or just to even be honest

cause like everyone would get it and everyone would help if they could

I mean everyone goes through the same shit right.

I hate this

idk I just need to put these words somewhere to make them real so that they aren't just sitting in my head doing damage

I love you guys so much <3

omfg

this line up bro.

i don't know why i keep discovering festivals i cant go to
but seriously. Radiohead and Fergie +++ in Osaka???

btw the 2014 lineup of summer sonic included Queen, Adam lambert, arctic monkeys and a shit ton of other huge british and american rock.

why,

Ahh it begins again

Have a song. It is now my 'it has just ended, but only just begun' kind of song to play. I finally finish uni after this semester, but who knows where i'll be after. Hopefully Japan haha.. jesus why am I so into that country anyway

I wanna see this in the movies

I'm a big cry baby

For some reason,
 I cry a lot in EVERY situation.
Like literally if I feel close enough to someone I end up crying in front of them ALL the time.

 Recently, I've been crying on the walk home from school almost everyday And just now I cried on the bus to my meeting and then on the train to my other commitment and then a few times inbetween skype calls and making art work.

 And then i cry doing random things, like when i was working on my last art project, or doing photoshop and films too, man I'm a wreck.

I watched the ended of one the arcs in hunterXhunter and I was a mess. My boyfriend was like ????????? but then im always like that.

 Like the other day he was like, hey ru how are you, and for some reason i started crying.

 And it isn't like sad crying??? I don't know. And listening to a lot of songs also makes me cry, like i did for this one too. It's an ok song i guess.

 On a positive note, i'm doing ok in school, no know what im doing in life but making art. xx

Complains

urghhhh

I was on the facebook and the news told me that "uptown funk" won song of the year
ughhrhrhhhhhgh
what an irritating basic song.

why
and then
fucking basic bitch aka neo taylor swift, wins album of the year
were there no better albums that her basic literal bs music??????

she used to be good

by no means do my opinions represent any majority or a technical point of view but
urghhh
why
at this rate that 'cant feel my face' shit could also be song of the month or whatever

like are there seriously no better musicians and songs throughout the entirety of last year?? i just. merhhhhh

Edit: I just watched beyonce's formation
dude man even when you wanna not like her because she's so mainstream, you cannot deny that she's good. man I cannot fault her musicality and positive entertainment value. wow.

i just had one of the most uncomfortable counselor sessions of my life

this is just a dump of things im feeling and thinking right now and its very personal and kind of at the core of who i am so apologies in advance

but i feel like i gotta say the stuff you know. get it out there or some shit.
like, i was cool talking about the more surface level stuff but i said all of it and my counselor put two and two together and said basically like
"you feel guilty for asserting yourself"

welp.i've basically been trying to suppress my teenage years but turns out they are super relevant to my own growth as a person
so like i never had a rebellious stage as a teenager
and it's bc my parents never gave me the affection or attention that i needed
i was fucking anorexic (read: i'm still basically anorexic) and nobody paid attention or took it seriously
and every time i tried to bring it up it was dismissed bc "guys don't get anorexia"  which i know they didnt believe but it was the hand-wavy way they used to ignore my problems and pretend everything was fine
and every time i tried to bring up that i was depressed it was dismissed, until the Rhiannon shit went down and they couldnt ignore it and all that happened was i got antidepressants until i got over the depression myself

and basically the end result of that is that a) i never discovered myself as a teenager like you're supposed to and b) every time i have to stand up for myself i devalue my own importance and i try too hard to make everyone else happy but i basically don't think of myself as being worthy of having that happiness.
every time i need to assert myself (e.g. recently i wanted to quit my job bc it's making my hands really bad) i feel really guilty about it!!
anyway that's just a fucked up thing about myself, that i can't be assertive because i've been conditioned to feel shameful about it.

counseling is super good once you open yourself up. but it's super fucking uncomfortable too sometimes haha ha fuck

ok cool thanks for listening and i love you guys ❤️ goodbye

origin of the survivor theme song

Hey I think I mentioned it before but the Survivor theme song has some funky origins. So most of you guys will recognize it as this:


But did yuo know that the song was originally a super old (dates back to early 18th century) love song with Russian origins. According to a Reddit post, the song contains a lot of old expressions that are no longer being used in modern Russian and cannot be translated accurately into English. Here's a lady singing it (go to 0:49)


And here's an updated version of the folk song by a Russian composer in 1988. This is seriously legit an amazing song:



I guess this is kinda surprising since the Survivor song sounds super chanty/tribal/islandy. The moar you kno.