I find myself throwing out a lot of pill bottles and boxes and things cause I take a lot of medicine now. I feel like I'm doing things they do in movies and TV to represent addiction in a way, I find movies don't really represent where I sit in my life very much, particularly not in terms of (lack of) addiction. But anyway, I chuck out a lot of medication bottles, sachets, packaging, and it seems like it's always used to represent some sort of addiction and this is a weird thing that constant medication use means to me. Like many people, most people in fact that take constant medication are not addicted to it, they just need it to get by, like me, so why is addiction the first thing that springs to mind? Like I mean I semi-know the answer but I also sorta don't.
People don't want to be confronted with sick people but that implies everyone who takes medication everyday is sick, which is kinda not really 100% true. I mean, people on the pill could be taking medication each day, they aren't necessarily sick, like there's a massive contrast between being confronted with people who are sick and basically bedridden, and taking medication and people who are taking medication on a daily basis and still functioning and basically having a normal life, and there's many shades between.
I don't really have a point.
In other news, I had an ultrasound this week and I get to have another one next week, and there was another blood test, so yeah, I'm really glad medicare exists. So many doctors. I've literally had like 13 different tests in the past 18 months like scans or electrical measures, x-ray, LP, etc, and so many blood tests. Like so many. I think they've tested my general blood count, whatever that is, like 5 times now. My symptoms are acting up 99 different ways and worsening and I honestly just don't know how to deal with it all. I just don't even know what to do any more, like the symptoms are becoming the focus but not even because I'm focusing on them because there are so many of them they sort of cover over things, maybe I should go see somebody, or something, I dunno. Fuck, sorry guys, shit's hard right now, it's been a not good week.
Anyway, here is a picture of something nice
In other news, I had an ultrasound this week and I get to have another one next week, and there was another blood test, so yeah, I'm really glad medicare exists. So many doctors. I've literally had like 13 different tests in the past 18 months like scans or electrical measures, x-ray, LP, etc, and so many blood tests. Like so many. I think they've tested my general blood count, whatever that is, like 5 times now. My symptoms are acting up 99 different ways and worsening and I honestly just don't know how to deal with it all. I just don't even know what to do any more, like the symptoms are becoming the focus but not even because I'm focusing on them because there are so many of them they sort of cover over things, maybe I should go see somebody, or something, I dunno. Fuck, sorry guys, shit's hard right now, it's been a not good week.
Anyway, here is a picture of something nice
A photo of a baby monkey I took in India
2 comments:
strengthen your body!! You were going out for walks right? Keep that up, stay in the sunlight for a bit and just keep that heart pumping a little faster than resting rate, it can't harm >.<
You have been fighting well man, keep up the struggle and never give into it- i'm sure there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
I say these words easily, but i realise how little i understand the micro of it all- you are such a champion to keep up ontop of this.
Damn Emily, you have my sympathy.
Maybe you should find an outlet for your confusion and anxiety. I know it can be tough, but sometimes just finding something that your worries turn into passion can be cathartic and a good way to deal with the stress.
Also talking to people always helps I've found, even if you don't feel it immediately, getting stuff off your chest can make you feel better for a few days as you notice you think about whatever it is thats worrying you less.
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