So I've been away like 6 months now. I can't really believe it.
Life here is different to life in Sydney - and it makes me think about living in Germany a lot more, I guess cause there's a lot more similarities in weather and sometimes even in attitudes. It's a weird thing to experience how even things like the sun setting so early can remind me of something 10 years ago.
I'm going to be really honest in this post cause I think I need to be.
I don't think I could live here forever, but I also don't think I want to move back to Sydney. Before there's any rash judgements, I'm going to explain my position and why I feel this.
There are 2 parts to this - the second part is job which I'll get onto in a bit, the first is the social/personal development aspect which is the more complex.
My life in Sydney in terms of friends was really stagnant, sorry guys. I love you but I've known you for 10 years and because of my social anxiety, if I have somewhere comfortable I know I will not move from it. Because that anxiety means finding new friends is terrifying. Yes I knew my room mates and people through work. But being honest with myself, my social life was stagnant and I didn't really have a way to make new friends. I knew this in December last year by the way. Hence my step back from spending time.
Living far away from pretty much everyone I know and being alone a lot more has taught me a lot about myself. Basically that it's really difficult for me to start to form relationships with people - once I've met someone, I'm good - but at the beginning it's really tough. This is what made university basically torturous, and has made more personal relationships, a larger barrier.
My decision to not move back to Sydney is basically a decision to manage this issue. And yes, I know I can manage this in Sydney. But I also know the sort of person I am and how difficult this issue is to deal with. If I don't have to deal with it - the honest truth is, I won't. Cause social anxiety fucking sucks. Like it's the worst thing about my life most of the time.
That's not to say I want to be this far away, which brings me onto the second part, the job.
My job here is much better than my job in Sydney, because I'm essentially doing the job of someone one level more senior than me, for a year. Which is great. The other part of my life which was stagnating in Sydney was my job. So it's been really great coming here and learning more things and meeting a tonne more people and then getting to know the senior and more junior people as well as the other members of the marketing team.
I've made the decision this week, I don't want to go back to do the job I was doing before in Sydney due to waste of resource and the lack of career movement for me. I can't see the point of it really.
And if they do that, then as unfortunate as it will be, I will resign when my contract is finished. I will not look for another job in Sydney, rather in Melbourne or Singapore or similar.
I'm not really sure where this is going to end up but it will all need to be decided by January due to my flights needing to be rebooked. I will keep you posted.
So where does this leave us?
It's very dependent on my career; these are the current options:
Life here is different to life in Sydney - and it makes me think about living in Germany a lot more, I guess cause there's a lot more similarities in weather and sometimes even in attitudes. It's a weird thing to experience how even things like the sun setting so early can remind me of something 10 years ago.
I'm going to be really honest in this post cause I think I need to be.
I don't think I could live here forever, but I also don't think I want to move back to Sydney. Before there's any rash judgements, I'm going to explain my position and why I feel this.
There are 2 parts to this - the second part is job which I'll get onto in a bit, the first is the social/personal development aspect which is the more complex.
My life in Sydney in terms of friends was really stagnant, sorry guys. I love you but I've known you for 10 years and because of my social anxiety, if I have somewhere comfortable I know I will not move from it. Because that anxiety means finding new friends is terrifying. Yes I knew my room mates and people through work. But being honest with myself, my social life was stagnant and I didn't really have a way to make new friends. I knew this in December last year by the way. Hence my step back from spending time.
Living far away from pretty much everyone I know and being alone a lot more has taught me a lot about myself. Basically that it's really difficult for me to start to form relationships with people - once I've met someone, I'm good - but at the beginning it's really tough. This is what made university basically torturous, and has made more personal relationships, a larger barrier.
My decision to not move back to Sydney is basically a decision to manage this issue. And yes, I know I can manage this in Sydney. But I also know the sort of person I am and how difficult this issue is to deal with. If I don't have to deal with it - the honest truth is, I won't. Cause social anxiety fucking sucks. Like it's the worst thing about my life most of the time.
That's not to say I want to be this far away, which brings me onto the second part, the job.
My job here is much better than my job in Sydney, because I'm essentially doing the job of someone one level more senior than me, for a year. Which is great. The other part of my life which was stagnating in Sydney was my job. So it's been really great coming here and learning more things and meeting a tonne more people and then getting to know the senior and more junior people as well as the other members of the marketing team.
I've made the decision this week, I don't want to go back to do the job I was doing before in Sydney due to waste of resource and the lack of career movement for me. I can't see the point of it really.
And if they do that, then as unfortunate as it will be, I will resign when my contract is finished. I will not look for another job in Sydney, rather in Melbourne or Singapore or similar.
I'm not really sure where this is going to end up but it will all need to be decided by January due to my flights needing to be rebooked. I will keep you posted.
So where does this leave us?
It's very dependent on my career; these are the current options:
- Continuation of my temporary contract in the UK, I will stay here, despite the distance.
- Permanent relocation to the UK - this would be really difficult and I can't give a decision on this right now, mostly because of my family.
- An alternate location either with or without this company.
I said I would be honest and I have been. Many other things have been going on. But since I haven't really spoken with many of you outside the context of the group chat, this is an update.
Here's a photo I took:
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