Basically, I know you guys are worried about me, and I know you can tell something's up, so this post is gonna be an exposition about all of the stuff I haven't really told anyone about except my close family
The long and the short of it is, I have very weird perceptions of the world. A lot of the time the world doesn't quite feel "real" and seems more like a hologram or an illusion, and such perceptions cause me great distress. For example, I might be driving a car and all of a sudden I'll think "what is driving? Who is it that is driving? Am I really driving?" And while that might not sound so bad, these thoughts actually influence how I experience the world, which makes living a day-to-day life extremely difficult. Also, I'm hyper-aware of people's bodies, to the point that looking at a moving person almost looks like looking at a walking corpse. Even just going to something as basic as a Blackheath Kris Kringle or seeing Star Wars can be an exercise in experiential suffering, as I try to distract myself from how the world looks and how many intrusive thoughts go into my head.
How this came to be I don't really know, it just sort of happened one day and I haven't really been the same since. On top of that, I'm still dealing with a lot of anxiety/depressive thoughts, so my problems are two fold really.
The word most accurately describing these experiences is depersonalisation, so if you want to know more about it look into that. As for what I'm doing about it, I'm currently seeing one psychiatrist but early next year I'll be seeing another who is apparently world-renowned and is the psychiatrist that other psychiatrists see for their own issues, so I remain very optimistic about the care I get. Also, I'm getting huge support from my family (and my friends!!) which has been incredibly helpful for my mood and is slowly paying off, so my support network is definitely there and will be there for as long as I need it. If you guys want to talk to me about it or have any questions, feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to respond.
And finally, on a lighter note, here's the song I've currently been jamming to
2 comments:
Hey bro! thanks for sharing that dude :) it's always good for all of us to know what's up so we can be more aware of your situation
Happy 2016 dude! its gonna be a good one with lots of epiphanies and progressions. I cant imagine in the least bit what you're going through, but if you let me know how to help you better, I/we will always try to be there for you as good as we can.
I love you man :)
Man, like Palmtrees said, thanks for telling us.
I have my own set of experiences with depersonalisation - related to my brain issues.
It is really shitty. I can't say I've had it as badly as you cause pretty everything I have is intermittent but what I have experienced is really disorientating and stressful to say the least.
Let me know if you need to chat or something, I'm always down for talking.
I hope 2016 is a good year for you and definitely let me know if you need any help or chatting or even like a new psychologist
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