hey
you know what
why does getting creeped on feel bad? Like sometimes someones bein a crepe and it's kinda light hearted or easy to ignore or funny (like if i dumb random shouts something at you they perceive to be a compliment, or some pathetic individual trying to buy you a drink in the most awkward way possible)
but also why are some people incapable of hitting on others / flirting without being a total creep? Like is it our responsibility to explain to them 'this is not how you do it'
anyway.
but today for some reason i just feel really bad. like some guy at my office put his hand on my shoulder that was immediately received by me to be suuuppppeerrr uncomfortable
and like it wasn't super offensive and could be a platonic kinda 'hey bud' shoulder grab
which happens all the time with other people and is cool normally.
but for some reason. i was just like. erghhhh
but you like can't call someone out without seeming like you're overreacting? IDK. anyway luckily madichan was there and could verify creepy vibes for me. like, is having creepy vibes enough to say 'hey man don't be doing that' without sounding like a crazy person? You know like when straight boys don't make their intentions clear because of their fear of rejection... and I don't know how to make them not do those things that can be played off as harmless platonic activities, but like I'm pretty sure they're tryin something. You know??? ANYWAY. feeels bad!!!
but like. why did such a small action feel so bad if it wasn't really like anything? why does it feel so gross??
And it's like easier to ignore the person instead of doing the whole 'hey let me tell you not to do that thing eventhough you didnt really do anything i guess, but still it makes people feel weird like sorry' but also i don't want to be apologetic at all. i just want people to not be creepy so no one has to deal with stuff like this.
update: I think it feels the worse when you're trying to be nice to people (for no reason!) and you trust them to not be creep but then they creep!!
like i don't have time or any sort of capacity for more people in my life but i felt obligated and they turn out to be creep! why
Also another random thing - since i've started following famous people specific to my interest on instagram, i find the platform so entertaining! and i keep liking posts! all of them. like yes, this is all content that i enjoy all the time! wow internet.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Monday, February 26, 2018
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Wanted to update you guys on a great new development in my life
In my school,
I have slowly created this reputation of myself that I like will eat anyone's leftovers. I usually bring home all the potluck food to save money and have delicious perogies as lunch for the next 3 days (i literally bring extra containers to school...)
But now all this has paid off.
I have had 3 people who made too much food at home, physically bring me a meal to class. Like they didn't bring it to school to eat and give me leftovers, they brought it from home to specifically give to me like im a dogg. It was like "hey Ru, I made too much food last Saturday so I brought some for you here you go."
So I've had homemade delicious chicken stroganoff, beef curry and a chicken pot pie. It's all happen in the last week. I am very excited for what the future holds and hope that this will continue.
That's all.
Also this is one of my new favourite animals:
The Noble Sea TOAD
It has feet. and walks since it lives at the bottom of the ocean.
I have slowly created this reputation of myself that I like will eat anyone's leftovers. I usually bring home all the potluck food to save money and have delicious perogies as lunch for the next 3 days (i literally bring extra containers to school...)
But now all this has paid off.
I have had 3 people who made too much food at home, physically bring me a meal to class. Like they didn't bring it to school to eat and give me leftovers, they brought it from home to specifically give to me like im a dogg. It was like "hey Ru, I made too much food last Saturday so I brought some for you here you go."
So I've had homemade delicious chicken stroganoff, beef curry and a chicken pot pie. It's all happen in the last week. I am very excited for what the future holds and hope that this will continue.
That's all.
Also this is one of my new favourite animals:
The Noble Sea TOAD
It has feet. and walks since it lives at the bottom of the ocean.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Baleen of toothless whales
quick fun fact: the sperm whale is the largest toothed animal
These goddamn fringe tassel things coming out of this Bowhead Whale's mouth are baleen plates.
LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN THING
(that's a decapitated whale from an Inupiat whale harvest. They use the baleen in crafts apparently and a lot of people feast from the blubber of 1 whale. also scientists are involved and allowed to take organ samples.
BUT WHAT IN THE HECk
Whales man.
what the hell.
I've literally been spending the last 3 hours reading and watching videos on whales and giant/colossal squids.
WHta the fuck nature.
Did you know that some whalers opened a bowhead and found harpoons in it that was super old?? that's when they were like 'yoo how old is this whale'. Turns out, these big ass underwater mammal things can live longer than 200 years!!!!! and they super rarely get cancer. Scientists are like studying their genome to see if it can help us treat/prevent cancer in humans
Oh btw the baleen is the thing that toothless whales use to eat, They take a mouthful of water, then push the water out of the baleen leaving the tiny animals inside. the whale then scrapes the food bits off the baleen with their tongue to eat.
Hey so you may know that some whales have teeth while others have baleen.
But did you know what baleen actually looks like
These goddamn fringe tassel things coming out of this Bowhead Whale's mouth are baleen plates.
LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN THING
(that's a decapitated whale from an Inupiat whale harvest. They use the baleen in crafts apparently and a lot of people feast from the blubber of 1 whale. also scientists are involved and allowed to take organ samples.
BUT WHAT IN THE HECk
Whales man.
what the hell.
I've literally been spending the last 3 hours reading and watching videos on whales and giant/colossal squids.
WHta the fuck nature.
Did you know that some whalers opened a bowhead and found harpoons in it that was super old?? that's when they were like 'yoo how old is this whale'. Turns out, these big ass underwater mammal things can live longer than 200 years!!!!! and they super rarely get cancer. Scientists are like studying their genome to see if it can help us treat/prevent cancer in humans
Oh btw the baleen is the thing that toothless whales use to eat, They take a mouthful of water, then push the water out of the baleen leaving the tiny animals inside. the whale then scrapes the food bits off the baleen with their tongue to eat.
Friday, December 8, 2017
guuuuys i love pokemon so much
ok so when i can I've been playing pokemon ultra moon which is the newest game. I've been trying really hard to avoid spoiling any of it for myself but because my hands are super fucked i decided because i can't keep playing much i will just spoil it for myself a bit. and I'm. soooo glad i did.
because mimikyu (who i had been raising on my team anyway) actually has it's own unique z move (basically a very powerful nuke move you can use one of per battle) and it's so fucking cute
it's super cute because mimikyu's whole thing is that it's a ghost who's jealous of pikachu and it dresses up like one and the whole z move is about how proud your trainer is of it!!
like watch:
none of the other z moves have interaction with your trainer, they are basically just a long animation of the pokemon using it, but in mimikyu's your trainer smiles and gives mimikyu a thumbs up!! and i guess parental pride is my achilles heel for some reason so it really just gets me
it's so cute that i cried a little bit using it the first time, straight up (ty hormones)
i just love cute pokemon so much (in fact i had a big issue where the cute inkay i had on my team evolved into the very uncute malamar and i was really conflicted about leaving it behind bc it was my second pokemon caught but i ended up replacing it with a cute one because that's the most important factor in playing pokemon)
[i wish the blogger app could embed video but next time im on my pc I'll go change that link to an embedded video]
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
yup i just did another really hui thing
Going to Sensation on Saturday.
Was supposed to go with Will's girl
but then she said her ankle is bad and was considering not going
but i've seen this bitch at a festival with a messed up ankle before
she was sayin she was gonna sell her ticket
what do i do?
hui buys another full price ticket. messages a mutual friend who's much closer to Shiv, who I know wants to go to sensation.
"hey enis i have a free ticket want to go??" He like freaks out
of course he accepts and tells Shiv he's goin
Now she's way more yes than no
ha ha ha.
the end.
That's how i make a festival squad happen...
_------
Update: plan didnt work lmao. had to hustle for 20 hours trying to find somehow else to take the ticket cos my mate had a work shift.
works out in the end cos the chick going with me is an OG raver i love
_------
Update: plan didnt work lmao. had to hustle for 20 hours trying to find somehow else to take the ticket cos my mate had a work shift.
works out in the end cos the chick going with me is an OG raver i love
Monday, October 30, 2017
This is random
I just realised i've done this my whole life. But like I prefer being born in october because it has 31 days and that's more days so I get a longer happy birthday month. Fuck 30 days or february, they don't know whatsup
Sunday, October 22, 2017
6 months in... revelatory
So I've been away like 6 months now. I can't really believe it.
Life here is different to life in Sydney - and it makes me think about living in Germany a lot more, I guess cause there's a lot more similarities in weather and sometimes even in attitudes. It's a weird thing to experience how even things like the sun setting so early can remind me of something 10 years ago.
I'm going to be really honest in this post cause I think I need to be.
I don't think I could live here forever, but I also don't think I want to move back to Sydney. Before there's any rash judgements, I'm going to explain my position and why I feel this.
There are 2 parts to this - the second part is job which I'll get onto in a bit, the first is the social/personal development aspect which is the more complex.
My life in Sydney in terms of friends was really stagnant, sorry guys. I love you but I've known you for 10 years and because of my social anxiety, if I have somewhere comfortable I know I will not move from it. Because that anxiety means finding new friends is terrifying. Yes I knew my room mates and people through work. But being honest with myself, my social life was stagnant and I didn't really have a way to make new friends. I knew this in December last year by the way. Hence my step back from spending time.
Living far away from pretty much everyone I know and being alone a lot more has taught me a lot about myself. Basically that it's really difficult for me to start to form relationships with people - once I've met someone, I'm good - but at the beginning it's really tough. This is what made university basically torturous, and has made more personal relationships, a larger barrier.
My decision to not move back to Sydney is basically a decision to manage this issue. And yes, I know I can manage this in Sydney. But I also know the sort of person I am and how difficult this issue is to deal with. If I don't have to deal with it - the honest truth is, I won't. Cause social anxiety fucking sucks. Like it's the worst thing about my life most of the time.
That's not to say I want to be this far away, which brings me onto the second part, the job.
My job here is much better than my job in Sydney, because I'm essentially doing the job of someone one level more senior than me, for a year. Which is great. The other part of my life which was stagnating in Sydney was my job. So it's been really great coming here and learning more things and meeting a tonne more people and then getting to know the senior and more junior people as well as the other members of the marketing team.
I've made the decision this week, I don't want to go back to do the job I was doing before in Sydney due to waste of resource and the lack of career movement for me. I can't see the point of it really.
And if they do that, then as unfortunate as it will be, I will resign when my contract is finished. I will not look for another job in Sydney, rather in Melbourne or Singapore or similar.
I'm not really sure where this is going to end up but it will all need to be decided by January due to my flights needing to be rebooked. I will keep you posted.
So where does this leave us?
It's very dependent on my career; these are the current options:
Life here is different to life in Sydney - and it makes me think about living in Germany a lot more, I guess cause there's a lot more similarities in weather and sometimes even in attitudes. It's a weird thing to experience how even things like the sun setting so early can remind me of something 10 years ago.
I'm going to be really honest in this post cause I think I need to be.
I don't think I could live here forever, but I also don't think I want to move back to Sydney. Before there's any rash judgements, I'm going to explain my position and why I feel this.
There are 2 parts to this - the second part is job which I'll get onto in a bit, the first is the social/personal development aspect which is the more complex.
My life in Sydney in terms of friends was really stagnant, sorry guys. I love you but I've known you for 10 years and because of my social anxiety, if I have somewhere comfortable I know I will not move from it. Because that anxiety means finding new friends is terrifying. Yes I knew my room mates and people through work. But being honest with myself, my social life was stagnant and I didn't really have a way to make new friends. I knew this in December last year by the way. Hence my step back from spending time.
Living far away from pretty much everyone I know and being alone a lot more has taught me a lot about myself. Basically that it's really difficult for me to start to form relationships with people - once I've met someone, I'm good - but at the beginning it's really tough. This is what made university basically torturous, and has made more personal relationships, a larger barrier.
My decision to not move back to Sydney is basically a decision to manage this issue. And yes, I know I can manage this in Sydney. But I also know the sort of person I am and how difficult this issue is to deal with. If I don't have to deal with it - the honest truth is, I won't. Cause social anxiety fucking sucks. Like it's the worst thing about my life most of the time.
That's not to say I want to be this far away, which brings me onto the second part, the job.
My job here is much better than my job in Sydney, because I'm essentially doing the job of someone one level more senior than me, for a year. Which is great. The other part of my life which was stagnating in Sydney was my job. So it's been really great coming here and learning more things and meeting a tonne more people and then getting to know the senior and more junior people as well as the other members of the marketing team.
I've made the decision this week, I don't want to go back to do the job I was doing before in Sydney due to waste of resource and the lack of career movement for me. I can't see the point of it really.
And if they do that, then as unfortunate as it will be, I will resign when my contract is finished. I will not look for another job in Sydney, rather in Melbourne or Singapore or similar.
I'm not really sure where this is going to end up but it will all need to be decided by January due to my flights needing to be rebooked. I will keep you posted.
So where does this leave us?
It's very dependent on my career; these are the current options:
- Continuation of my temporary contract in the UK, I will stay here, despite the distance.
- Permanent relocation to the UK - this would be really difficult and I can't give a decision on this right now, mostly because of my family.
- An alternate location either with or without this company.
I said I would be honest and I have been. Many other things have been going on. But since I haven't really spoken with many of you outside the context of the group chat, this is an update.
Here's a photo I took:
Friday, October 20, 2017
Haha
These vids are great. The linkin park one is perfect for me right now, the trumpet in the background resonates resolution, like a completion of an objective and here i sit in Spain, jobless, but still working on it. I haven't given up yet.
I am a little bit of a hermit now, if you've noticed i'm easy to contact recently, unlike when I was in Japan for the first 3 months i barely spoke to anyone overseas. I can't risk spending too much money when I don't have an income, so I justify my days spent online (i'm not kidding, the whole day just sittin' on my but, a crossover of overwatch, job hunting, and netflix shows pirated through popcorn time).
I live in an apartment with 4 bedrooms. 2 bedrooms are for the 2 spanish guys, great lighting, mine and the other french dude don't have the best space or lighting compared to them but hey, that's life. I have a lot of storage compartments, it came with a desk and bed and built in wardrobe, so i'm content.
I get along with them great, I worked hard to make sure everyone feels at home here. I cooked more than a few times for 4 people without even thinking, and invited them all to eat when we were all together, or separate. Now the kindness is returned, and everyone asks everyone if they want some of their tortilla or pasta or whatever they've made. Now we sit in the loungeroom watching tv, ted talks and discuss them (which is great for my spanish haha).
I'm lucky enough that my room mates have the same bad taste in kung fu/comic movies, the two Spanish dude re watched 2 different Marvel series so that we can get up-to-date together and continue to watch 'the defenders,' to which i'm so happy. Just to sit there to break the ice of moving in together, and wach shit together, it's nice.
One of the other guys wants to start kung fu now, me too. I'll look into places and try them out, as i'm the one with all the time haha.
I now have an Italian boyfriend. We are trying at a long distance deal. I did have a break with him for about a week, then we came back together. He lives in rome so the long distance kills me, but our connection is great so it won't kill us yet.
Now for the juicy part. I have sexual tension with one of the guys here. One night we got plastered on weed and booze with his friends and another guy in the apartment (who didn't smoke, or idk if he knew we did) and my cousins who came for 3 days. We blacked out, nek minut i'm in his bed and he has a massive shlong haha. This happened when i was on my break with my Italian boy.
Holy shit i just got massive deja vu. Why does this happen.
Anyway, so yeah. It's all 'legal' in a sense, lucky i believe fucking room mates is a bad idea so i won't go do that again, but that's not to say we hug eachother in a more-than-friend matter. If he reads this, i don't mind too, i'm sure he'll agree. It seems he's opened up to me, and he admits to not doing that often. But somehow i'm talented in making people say what they really feel.
I've never tried it, but my grandfather had a friend that would do that same, and he had one question that made anyone able to talk. Alls you gotta ask, is, "are you happy?" I do it other ways, beat around the bush in a sense, get the same results. This is because I want to see people for who they really are, that's what's important to me. Cause there's so much face around in the world, and I grew up with you guys, who I believe are very emotionally, and mentally advanced than most kids our age in the day and present day.
TL;DR
So now. This is me in summary;
-Trickling down in cash, whilst looking for a job to stop that. Want to travel after my year here too, and need to save.
-Italian boyfriend, best guy to hang out with but barely see.
-Living in a flat in the hipster area, pass by people on the street that i now know, nice to feel some community.
-Have friends from US, England and Germany from the hostel I see once every 2 weeks-ish for drinks, they're great company and banter.
-Trying not to get fucked up too much as it makes me a sluggish human being, but lbh it happens ^.^'
-Missing you guys and the Sydney lifestyle, but also want to not come back yet, i don't think there's anything for me there right now.
-Thinking about;
a) Doing another degree to consolidate a working skill for myself
b) Flying to South East Asia and becoming a buddhist monk and fuck the system and working
for the sake of working.
c) Food. Also gotta stop sleeping at 4am and waking up at 1pm
Now that's off my mildly hairy chest i can make some lunch. They love capsicum here, lucky i've come to like it recently. Also no one else in the world calls it capsicum, they're all wrong.
Ciao4nao people <3
I am a little bit of a hermit now, if you've noticed i'm easy to contact recently, unlike when I was in Japan for the first 3 months i barely spoke to anyone overseas. I can't risk spending too much money when I don't have an income, so I justify my days spent online (i'm not kidding, the whole day just sittin' on my but, a crossover of overwatch, job hunting, and netflix shows pirated through popcorn time).
I live in an apartment with 4 bedrooms. 2 bedrooms are for the 2 spanish guys, great lighting, mine and the other french dude don't have the best space or lighting compared to them but hey, that's life. I have a lot of storage compartments, it came with a desk and bed and built in wardrobe, so i'm content.
I get along with them great, I worked hard to make sure everyone feels at home here. I cooked more than a few times for 4 people without even thinking, and invited them all to eat when we were all together, or separate. Now the kindness is returned, and everyone asks everyone if they want some of their tortilla or pasta or whatever they've made. Now we sit in the loungeroom watching tv, ted talks and discuss them (which is great for my spanish haha).
I'm lucky enough that my room mates have the same bad taste in kung fu/comic movies, the two Spanish dude re watched 2 different Marvel series so that we can get up-to-date together and continue to watch 'the defenders,' to which i'm so happy. Just to sit there to break the ice of moving in together, and wach shit together, it's nice.
One of the other guys wants to start kung fu now, me too. I'll look into places and try them out, as i'm the one with all the time haha.
I now have an Italian boyfriend. We are trying at a long distance deal. I did have a break with him for about a week, then we came back together. He lives in rome so the long distance kills me, but our connection is great so it won't kill us yet.
Now for the juicy part. I have sexual tension with one of the guys here. One night we got plastered on weed and booze with his friends and another guy in the apartment (who didn't smoke, or idk if he knew we did) and my cousins who came for 3 days. We blacked out, nek minut i'm in his bed and he has a massive shlong haha. This happened when i was on my break with my Italian boy.
Holy shit i just got massive deja vu. Why does this happen.
Anyway, so yeah. It's all 'legal' in a sense, lucky i believe fucking room mates is a bad idea so i won't go do that again, but that's not to say we hug eachother in a more-than-friend matter. If he reads this, i don't mind too, i'm sure he'll agree. It seems he's opened up to me, and he admits to not doing that often. But somehow i'm talented in making people say what they really feel.
I've never tried it, but my grandfather had a friend that would do that same, and he had one question that made anyone able to talk. Alls you gotta ask, is, "are you happy?" I do it other ways, beat around the bush in a sense, get the same results. This is because I want to see people for who they really are, that's what's important to me. Cause there's so much face around in the world, and I grew up with you guys, who I believe are very emotionally, and mentally advanced than most kids our age in the day and present day.
TL;DR
So now. This is me in summary;
-Trickling down in cash, whilst looking for a job to stop that. Want to travel after my year here too, and need to save.
-Italian boyfriend, best guy to hang out with but barely see.
-Living in a flat in the hipster area, pass by people on the street that i now know, nice to feel some community.
-Have friends from US, England and Germany from the hostel I see once every 2 weeks-ish for drinks, they're great company and banter.
-Trying not to get fucked up too much as it makes me a sluggish human being, but lbh it happens ^.^'
-Missing you guys and the Sydney lifestyle, but also want to not come back yet, i don't think there's anything for me there right now.
-Thinking about;
a) Doing another degree to consolidate a working skill for myself
b) Flying to South East Asia and becoming a buddhist monk and fuck the system and working
for the sake of working.
c) Food. Also gotta stop sleeping at 4am and waking up at 1pm
Now that's off my mildly hairy chest i can make some lunch. They love capsicum here, lucky i've come to like it recently. Also no one else in the world calls it capsicum, they're all wrong.
Ciao4nao people <3
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Friday, October 13, 2017
Sunday, October 8, 2017
did i leave a good friend's birthday drinks so I could watch a 1 hour recording of a RHCP concert and cry to it by myself? Is this the life I have chosen
yo so sorry about the Mr Saturns getting all weird and stuff. So there's a new thing on photobucket where they make you pay money for third person hosting.... I'll fix the side bar soon maybe on the plane flight to toronto. IDK.
Why can't I be chilled about things? Why do i have to be so into my obsessions? The song above has probably one of my most favourite guitaring ever. John Frusciante is a freakin genius and Im bummed that he doesnt do live gigs anymore.
Also I can't find a live recording of Slow Cheetah. Man i would die if I saw that live. Like absolutely 100% dead. John's guitar bit at the end really gets me.
Also what am I doing with my life? Like Im just doin shit. Like Im doin design layouts and stuff but im legit just spawning crap and making shit up. constantly. Im not trained to do anything I do at all. My life literally now is constant dicking around. What am I even doing? Is my company legit? Will some sort of meaningful life come out of this? Like im trying so hard in everything I do and I don't know what its leading me to or if anything is even good and legit. I feel like ive just been bullshitting and makin stuff up for so long.
Why can't I be chilled about things? Why do i have to be so into my obsessions? The song above has probably one of my most favourite guitaring ever. John Frusciante is a freakin genius and Im bummed that he doesnt do live gigs anymore.
Also I can't find a live recording of Slow Cheetah. Man i would die if I saw that live. Like absolutely 100% dead. John's guitar bit at the end really gets me.
Also what am I doing with my life? Like Im just doin shit. Like Im doin design layouts and stuff but im legit just spawning crap and making shit up. constantly. Im not trained to do anything I do at all. My life literally now is constant dicking around. What am I even doing? Is my company legit? Will some sort of meaningful life come out of this? Like im trying so hard in everything I do and I don't know what its leading me to or if anything is even good and legit. I feel like ive just been bullshitting and makin stuff up for so long.
Friday, August 18, 2017
I miss you guys.
I've been here at the farm for probably six months now, and while I love every second of the fresh air and nature and ability to yell at the clouds, I've been pretty much by myself aside from my grandma and aunt, plus whoever in my family comes to visit every now and then. I mean they're cool people and I've started to grow fonder of the middle aged worldview, but man does it get hard being the only young person around.
I mean, I guess I could put more effort into meeting new people, but it's kinda hard when you don't know anyone to go out and meet new people with in the first place, plus there's really only pubs and stuff to meet people in, which doesn't really appeal to me these days. My aunt semi-introduced me to one of her friend's daughters, and she was cool, but she lives in Sydney so we mostly just talk by text. I've tried using Tinder, but I figure I'm just too isolated because there's not many people on it. I've even included guys in my list, but most of 'em want to just hook up, which I'm not really down for. One positive of this is that I now truly understand just how thirsty males can be. I may have some friends from my Canberra days coming to visit in the summer, but that's a while away, so for the time being it's probably just gonna be me.
Other than this though I'm finding country life suits me more and more. It turns out I fucking love hiking - if you told that I would end up feeling this way a few years ago I probably wouldn't have believed you. Also, I've been reading heaps, mostly just from books that have been laying around, which is cool. Did you guys know that early Christianity was heavily influenced by Neo-Platonic philosophy? I didn't, until I read it.
Anyway I hope everyone is doing well as always.
I mean, I guess I could put more effort into meeting new people, but it's kinda hard when you don't know anyone to go out and meet new people with in the first place, plus there's really only pubs and stuff to meet people in, which doesn't really appeal to me these days. My aunt semi-introduced me to one of her friend's daughters, and she was cool, but she lives in Sydney so we mostly just talk by text. I've tried using Tinder, but I figure I'm just too isolated because there's not many people on it. I've even included guys in my list, but most of 'em want to just hook up, which I'm not really down for. One positive of this is that I now truly understand just how thirsty males can be. I may have some friends from my Canberra days coming to visit in the summer, but that's a while away, so for the time being it's probably just gonna be me.
Other than this though I'm finding country life suits me more and more. It turns out I fucking love hiking - if you told that I would end up feeling this way a few years ago I probably wouldn't have believed you. Also, I've been reading heaps, mostly just from books that have been laying around, which is cool. Did you guys know that early Christianity was heavily influenced by Neo-Platonic philosophy? I didn't, until I read it.
Anyway I hope everyone is doing well as always.
Monday, August 7, 2017
I'm tryna like cope
You know for the past 3 months I've been living the good life. I know ive been lucky and shit cause look at my daily life:
7:30 am - wake up in the morning (I used to wake up at 6:30am to exercise in the morning but that lasted like 3 weeks)
7:45 am - eat breakfast and take malaria pills
8:00 am - walk to work office and start work
12:00 pm - lunch time
12:30 pm - find my village homies so i can borrow motorbikes from moms and dads to go to other villages
4:00 pm - barely make it back in time to teach Adult English classes
6:00 pm - play volleyball with the villagers (who are all fuckin beasts) or go rowing/swimming/playing with my best children friends
7:00 pm - electricity turns on!! Goes back to office to work
8:30 pm - dinner time (eat like 3 servings) and play with children
9:00 pm - go back to work in officr
10:00 pm - if work not hectic play with children
11:00 pm - children go to sleep so hang out with 16 - 25 year old dudes always drinking and smoking
2:00 am - sneak into the house through my bedroom window so i dont have to wake me house mom up
Repeat everyday and still have energy somehow??? Man its weird like waking up and not hearing ocean waves or swimming inbetween work breaks. Or like when i'm feeling tired and just chilling in my house, not having a bunch of kids turn up to wake me up in the afternoon and learn choreographed zumba dances together until we know em properly. Not being able to knock on random childrens doors when i need someone to play with anytime. Not being able to go into anyones house and just borrow their facewash when i feel gross? Not having the satisfaction of feeling like im working hard and playing hard everyday and loving every single second of my life in the village. Not seeing a million stars light up the ceiling of my village. Not being able to take naps on my friends house floor cause they dont have beds but its fine it feels okay and they dont think i need a bed and really i dont.
I got so used to living in the village where community is great and people are nice but i forgot how poor my village is until i visit another village but it doesnt matter to me????
But its still good? Like i used to get so bogged down by what people think cause as cliche as ot is people here (toronto) care about work and status and image and sometimes the second you look like you not doing well people look down on you and they cant help it, theyve been trained to live like that and it used to feel hella bad but i realize i dont care about that i just wanna live my life and be cool eat tacos and fry bread and shit.
Man so many things happened but it feels lie its just a dream. Ive been trying for the past week to phone my villager friends but its like impossible cause most times there arent any phone signal but it sucked. Even though every day, hour, minute and second in my village i always thought "fuck cherish this moment, remember this forever never take any second here for granted" to prepare myself so that i would have no regrets when i left. That i could truly said i did as much as i could and lived to the fullest, still it hurt to leave so bad.
Have you ever left one person you truly truly loved with all your heart? Can you imagine leaving like 30 of them? True happiness always comes with true sadness...
I got so used to living in the village where community is great and people are nice but i forgot how poor my village is until i visit another village but it doesnt matter to me????
But its still good? Like i used to get so bogged down by what people think cause as cliche as ot is people here (toronto) care about work and status and image and sometimes the second you look like you not doing well people look down on you and they cant help it, theyve been trained to live like that and it used to feel hella bad but i realize i dont care about that i just wanna live my life and be cool eat tacos and fry bread and shit.
Man so many things happened but it feels lie its just a dream. Ive been trying for the past week to phone my villager friends but its like impossible cause most times there arent any phone signal but it sucked. Even though every day, hour, minute and second in my village i always thought "fuck cherish this moment, remember this forever never take any second here for granted" to prepare myself so that i would have no regrets when i left. That i could truly said i did as much as i could and lived to the fullest, still it hurt to leave so bad.
Have you ever left one person you truly truly loved with all your heart? Can you imagine leaving like 30 of them? True happiness always comes with true sadness...
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Saaaaddddddd (a shameless whinge by me)
Reality sucks I don't want to do it. I don't want to go home. I want to go back to mykonos and spend all my money.
I'm so sad to have left quad bike-white square house-hot skimpy people-party Island. It was literally like spooky Island but not spooky. I miss 100% of people driving on quads or scooters at 5am being intoxicated. We entered the club with 5 people on the quad that one time. It was soooo good.
The last night when me Alex and Marlena walked up the steepest dirt road to get home at 3am listening to daft punk was amazing. We turned around occasionally to look back at the city lights so far away. As we rode off on the ferry to Athens the next morning, digital love played in my head as I stared sobbing at the waves. Goodbye perfect party island. Good bye perfect Alex Passas. I don't want to face reality.
Also wow I have been unhealthy. Felt tired today but then I had an ice coffee and a dart and I'm good to go. My new phone is already ducked because we were crushing drugs on it lol
I'm so sad to have left quad bike-white square house-hot skimpy people-party Island. It was literally like spooky Island but not spooky. I miss 100% of people driving on quads or scooters at 5am being intoxicated. We entered the club with 5 people on the quad that one time. It was soooo good.
The last night when me Alex and Marlena walked up the steepest dirt road to get home at 3am listening to daft punk was amazing. We turned around occasionally to look back at the city lights so far away. As we rode off on the ferry to Athens the next morning, digital love played in my head as I stared sobbing at the waves. Goodbye perfect party island. Good bye perfect Alex Passas. I don't want to face reality.
Also wow I have been unhealthy. Felt tired today but then I had an ice coffee and a dart and I'm good to go. My new phone is already ducked because we were crushing drugs on it lol
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