Why do i suck so much at doing essays.. This is last one i'll probably ever do and i'm struggling to put any words onto a document.
Essays are so bs sometimes... I feel they are making us write for the sake of writing.

this article was really good and i think quite accurate

I really liked it I think it is quite insightful into like, some shit. and the links they link to are all good too

Life is great right now

I wanna travel everywhere haha. I don't want a house/car or anything else that'll tie me down just yet. I may regret this 40 years down the line, but i love it

HOLY SHIT TAKE ME TO LISBON

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING LINE UP
LIKE
ARE
YOU
KIDDING
ME
its $119 euros for all 3 days
thats 182 bucks in Aus currency
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Alex if you're out of the country by then you have to go holy shit

there are so many rays of hope

Last night I had a dream where marlena, jon, hogg, smaz and I went to an aquarium. At the end bit, there was a petting section but it was a massive pool and you could get in with sharks and rays.

In the pool, there was a huge leopard print stingray that no one dared to touch. It like swam towards me and gave me a big cuddle. it was amazing.

anyway, I started looking up leopard print rays and the one in my dream is actually known as a Whipray! Here it is:

Its so cute.

There are many kinds of whiprays and they're fully different to other rays, like they have longer tails and no tail fins. Here's a honeycomb whipray!

The leopard whipray's patterns are less jagged than the honeycombs and apparently the colour is different. idk.
But look at all the kinds of rays that are out there!

I mean this spotted eagle ray!! Like look at this majestic thing!


Is this manta ray even real?? look at the humans!! these rays can grow to 7m in width or more!


the xingu river ray! sooo kawaii


raspy river ray family! also, female rays give birth! just like sharks! batoids are incredible

full  story on raspy river rays mating here. the male apparently bites the female throughout mating

my mind is just so blown at how diverse rays are! and we know so little about them. even the famous big ones. I didnt even know rays chilled in freshwaters. Most rays are threatened because of habitat loss but new species are still being discovered (2 species newly discovered in south america in 2013! like damn!) 

italians and memes again

no actually i should just call this one, "this one italian guy is super racist and homophobic and for some reason i keep getting sad about it"

TRADUX:
1 "You (pl) party, you (pl) party..."
    "Regardless, in Italy"

2  "The law about gay marriage"
    "will never be approved"

3  ""
    "Faggots"

11 people like this
 (the comment: "eeeeexactlyyyy")

anyway he's basically one of the same guys who keeps posting this kind of stuff and I don't know why it keeps getting to me but it does.

for context this is coming off the back of a possible referendum to allow gay marriage in italy (loll) and the pope chiming in being all "yeah nah cunts straight people only." (side note: holy shit the picture used in that article was taken from a rally that I was actually at when it happened in Rome in early december last year what)

 so like was the strip just an excuse for him to use the word "froci" (± translated as 'faggots')
i mean come on


but also the guy is super misogynistic as well like he's a real catch. i wish i could say it's just him, he just happens to be the prototypical example of such a person is all

its 2016 and i still type onemanga.com into the url bar accidentally

RIP the original and best

hatin & spewin

hey guys
this is a rant
i am sad
so very sad

still havnt been offered a scholarship
thats ok
whats not ok is other people who literally have done jack all last year and who have shitty GPAs have been offered one.
like dude
i have research experience
and a pretty good GPA
+ I worked my butt of every single day last year
and did an extra research unit
for fucks sake
like seriously
people who did not do shit. only came in 2-3 days a week. who didnt even turn up to lectures for 2 years. who literally have a pass average.
i am mad as hell.

why do people keep getting handouts despite not doin shit
like fuck i put my all into my shit last year
i cant think of anything i could have had improved on

fuck it man
i give up
what is this system
all that cryin and sweating
i couldnt even work for real money last year
what even is the point

happy new year!!

i love you all so much
no matter whatever bs is going on in your life I'm always down to hang out or talk

bah after new years im emotionally exhausted but i feel so much love for and from you guys. is this just chemical? god i hope not i wanna always feel this way <4
how is it 2016 already what

italians and memes episode something I don't even care about numbers anym

hey guys wanna see a funny internet meme joke

it's in italian but dw I'll give you a frame by frame translation. dw yes I studied italian-english translation and got a HD for it so I like to think I'll do okay at the translation of the joke

PANEL 1
"Given that it's Christmas, I've decided to prepare some special dishes for you tonight"
"Oh yeah? Which dishes?"

PANEL 2
"Those to be washed"

PANEL 3
"Slut"


...wait hang on a minute I don;t get it! This joke isn't... funny at all? I mean I get that there's a pun in the second panel. and that would be okay by itself - let's pretend that Italian society isn't very misogynistic and assume for the benefit of the doubt that this would work equally well in a modern context by swapping who says what - but why the fuck would you include the third panel? what the actual fuck like who writes this shit and who thinks it's okay to write this shit and just be all "ok well i guess what this meme needs is the man to call the woman a whore and tell her to get back in the kitchen"

like what the fuck
the thing that gets me though is that this was a woman who shared it. I used to think she was one of the more progressive people from my class in Italy, she spoke probably the best English and was obsessed with American media. I guess not??

but I mean this basic and frankly disgusting worldview also comes from the same person who shares this: (and in general, many other people who think like her (I know I'm shitty for judging but fuck these backwards types! they'd vote for the libs))

ummm I mean I don't actually speak sardinian but I know enough to probably translate it as:

"Now they start with the photos of the big dinner" (I'm assuming it's christmas dinner) and the page it was shared from, "Mi?nioneddos Sardos", translates as little sardinian minions

that literally has nothing to do with minions except they have put some christmas minions they found from google (see exhibit a)

exhibit a

but that's what italians think the internet is for apparently
not to paint with a broad brush because yeah there are large swathes of just the most basic individuals in just about any community and yeah I mostly know Italians from the towns rather than many from the city so the fact that I consistently see italians posting this crap over aussies or spanish people is entirely due to selection bias but still

what the fuck is this shit

idk I could not live in that country man it has so many problems
but the culture is one of the biggest ones and that's the hardest to change esp seeing as italy is one of the countries with the oldest populations in the world bc of the exodus of young people
and it makes me really sad because there are really fantastic aspects of italian-ness and I hold a really special place in my heart for that country! I'm very familiar with all the ins and outs of italian life and I know it's not all fucked and there are good people but there are also so many more rigid social norms and the people are a lot more willing to just buy into whatever the media says (hence Berlusconi was in power for so long, he owned all the media)
and I'm just really scared of going back there because I don't want to get caught up in all that bs! I'm proud to be australian because of how progressive we mostly are but it's easy to forget that most of the world, especially the non-anglophone parts, is still caught up in mentalities and worldviews that we consider outdated.
the world is a wonderful thing and I'm so glad to be exposed to the myriad of cultures I've been exposed to and I'm glad I've had the opportunity to travel around Italy and Spain and Portugal
but living there.
It just really saddens me that shit like this happens in a country that will always be a part of who I am and has always been a part of my life in some way or another (thanks IGS you dabes)

sorry for not organising my words well this time around ill write some more about new year spirit and how i love you and blah when my hands arent hurting so much

Perceptions

So I've been thinking about making this post for a while but I keep putting it off for reasons, but I'm drunk now and generally feeling good about life so it seems like the right time to do it

Basically, I know you guys are worried about me, and I know you can tell something's up, so this post is gonna be an exposition about all of the stuff I haven't really told anyone about except my close family

The long and the short of it is, I have very weird perceptions of the world. A lot of the time the world doesn't quite feel "real" and seems more like a hologram or an illusion, and such perceptions cause me great distress. For example, I might be driving a car and all of a sudden I'll think "what is driving? Who is it that is driving? Am I really driving?" And while that might not sound so bad, these thoughts actually influence how I experience the world, which makes living a day-to-day life extremely difficult. Also, I'm hyper-aware of people's bodies, to the point that looking at a moving person almost looks like looking at a walking corpse. Even just going to something as basic as a Blackheath Kris Kringle or seeing Star Wars can be an exercise in experiential suffering, as I try to distract myself from how the world looks and how many intrusive thoughts go into my head.

How this came to be I don't really know, it just sort of happened one day and I haven't really been the same since. On top of that, I'm still dealing with a lot of anxiety/depressive thoughts, so my problems are two fold really.

The word most accurately describing these experiences is depersonalisation, so if you want to know more about it look into that. As for what I'm doing about it, I'm currently seeing one psychiatrist but early next year I'll be seeing another who is apparently world-renowned and is the psychiatrist that other psychiatrists see for their own issues, so I remain very optimistic about the care I get. Also, I'm getting huge support from my family (and my friends!!) which has been incredibly helpful for my mood and is slowly paying off, so my support network is definitely there and will be there for as long as I need it. If you guys want to talk to me about it or have any questions, feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to respond.

And finally, on a lighter note, here's the song I've currently been jamming to

oooofftttt

I'm having... the worst headache i've hard in the past 5 years. ooofffffftttttttt The light on the computer hurts my head and I have an exam in 10 hours. ooh oooohh oohhhhhh

Whoa

I feel a lot better... Ranting here and to several people online + the combination of sleeping it off really works for me haha

I can't sleep right now, here's why:

The fucking cunts.

So i had to finish work a couple hours early today, as my phone has not been registering my SIM card I cannot recieve any orders (let alone anything). On the way home, I was about to turn left early to just go by a different route, instead I thought i wouldn't fuck around and just go the busy road as it's shorter and less lights.
RBT.

I was fine, if anything I was scared they'd catch me for weed. But this time, my P plate had fallen off and naturally they didn't believe my story that a lady had crashed into me and the frame that i usually use had broken off (which was true too).

Now worst case scenario, which has the highest percentage, I am going to lose my license and pay 200 dollars to the fucked up system. I need this:

FUCK EVERYTHING. Fuck them, fuck this city and it's dumbass rules! FUCK man! I try to be good, working 7 days in a row to earn money like a good fucking citizen, and now just because my P plate fell off I am treated like I have just assaulted a person and attempted to gauge out their eyes, which by the way I wouldn't have minded doing to someone.

I got home, I am so frustrated that I took that way home, that it was all so avoidable if I'd just taken one early turn.

Then i got thinking about the system. That cop is the grim reaper of society. He has to tell people constantly what the fuck the system tells him is wrong ALL THE TIME. His very existence is to punish people, and he doesn't even probably understand how fucking avoidable all that sadness is. The same goes to my parking ticket (parked in a loading zone, as I'm a delivery company contracter I thought I had gained the right to load my vehicle with delivery goods, but NUP)... This guy had just given me the ticket, I told him my whole story and then the look of regret and sadness on his face was so intense I just had to feel sorry for the bugger. That's his life. He works for a system that allegedly creates 'criminals' out of shitty fucking minor situations like these.... WHAT IS THE POINT. Why are they taking my money ALONG WITH MY LICENSE.

You do that to a kid man! "No allowance for a week!" "You're grounded!" Yeah, great, let's just treat our people like kids and maybe they'll love us even more.

Like fuck man. I'm already insecure about a lot of other things, but now I feel just as shitty in this society.

Fuck them. Fuck this. Fuck it all. The governments way of thinking is only a one way road up their rectum and into the next politician's dirty fucking mouth. They get off on this shit, they fucking love it and can't book enough people on the roads. I would not be surprised to find speed cameras on every corner of the city, that'd be an orgy for the elected party; shit everywhere, shit coming out of their mouths, shit connected to their ear pieces, shit on the tv's when they air, and money coming out of their penises and vaginas when they climax at the ridiculous figures of tax and money that they avoid, and that they cheat of the working populace.

I'm fed up.

I can't sleep, I need to cause I need to buy christmas gifts for my family tomorrow before I start work. I skipped dinner again, cause all these stupid fines are one step forward two steps back in my financial life right now.

And yes, of course I have the obedience to recognise my mistakes. I fucked up, I know it. There are clear rules there, and I disobeyed them for the shortest possible time, but still enough to be noticed.

I'm starting to think the criminal life is calling to me. Joining the mafia lifestyle would be great for me. Or maybe just selling illicit substances.

Tbh I would love to join the army, but can't cause of weed. And also fuck the army. Sure it's a paradise for idiots; getting paid to be trained from how to shave to how to wield weapons for your country. But I never thought of myself as a citizen of this country anyway. My brothers bullied me and teased me that I was adopted when I was a kid, and believing it wasn't that hard when you've got my dark skin in a white ass family.

I seriously am disliking it here more and more. And not just here, everywhere. Wherever humans in high densities lie, I just don't think I can cope with the intricate systems made of bullshit all the time. And money, heh, don't even get me started on that.

Anyway, i'll try to sleep again...

I look like the biggest terrorist by this post, but if you have the right perspective you'll realise that it's probably applicable to an experience of your own life too.

When will the time come that we can fix all this?

Good things in life

today was a good day.
I went to work where I was scheduled to do a 4 hour shift but that became an 8 hour one, which was the best thing.

On the way home, walking through my park, i saw the CUTEST DOG
like it was amazing
and and and it fully ran up to me and rolled on its back, knowing that i would give it belly rubs
it was the greatest thing
also the dog was being walked by highschool girl dog walkers. THEY GET PAID TO PLAY WITH DOGS
why didnt I do that
it was a kelpie btw
But seriously I need one

and then when I reached the entrance to my house, there was this ridiculously attractive french lady with a mad french accent in motorcycle gear. so obviously i start talking to her and found out she rides a kawasaki but seriously she looked like she belonged in a disney movie. idk for some reason this is a good thing to happen to me. idk.

anyway.
yeah..
gewd vybez
dogs