fly away on my zephyr

hey i know i keep posting this shit, but man i love the lyrics to this song

Can I get your hand to write on Just a piece of leg to bite on? What a night to fly my kite on Do you want to flash your light on? Take a look it's on display for you Coming down, no not today Did you meet your fortune teller Get it off with no propeller Do it up it’s on with Stella What a way to finally smell her Pickin’ up but not too strong for you Take a piece and pass it on Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together Fly on my wind Rebel and a liberator Find a way to be a skater Rev it up to levitate her Super friendly aviator Take a look it's on display for you Comin’ down, no not today Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together In the water where I center my emotion All the world can pass me by Fly away on my zephyr We’ll find a place together Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - do you Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - won't you Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Fly away on my zephyr I feel it more than ever And in this perfect weather We’ll find a place together In the water where I center my emotion All the world can pass me by Fly away on my zephyr We’re gonna live forever Forever

🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼 "did you know" / a little poem about where my head is at 🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼🙅🏼

ahhh ok so
here's where my head is at these days.
the theme of this topic is "my mental health" (yay that's exciting, always)

it's in the form of a poem called did you know (2016)
----
did you know that if you only study 2 units per semester you are technically a "part time student" and not a "full time student"
and did you know that if you are a "part time student" you are not eligible for youth allowance in australia
and did you know that if you are a "part time student" you are not eligible for a concession opal card in nsw
and did you know that if you don't get youth allowance due to being a "part time student" then you don't get it again until you are a full time student again

and did you know that I am doing three subjects at uni
but did you know that i desperately want to drop one of them. and did you know? that was even my plan from the start, to drop this unit as late as possible to get as much youth allowance and concession time out of it
like did you know i haven't been to a single class and i've missed some homework handins for this class
did you know also that it is a fairly technical subject that i am struggling to understand (database systems 2)

did you know the last day to withdraw from a unit without penalty is august 31
(did you know thats today!!)

did you also know that i am moving house soon and money will be tight
did you also know that i am struggling with everything in my life to the point of having frequent breakdowns
and did you know that academic stress often contributes a lot to these breakdowns
and did you know that these breakdowns involve physi-


and did you know i can't afford to keep this up both financially and mentally
did you know i have no idea what road to take, whether to drop the unit and pay more for everything with less money available, or to keep it up and go fucking insane and like, die (not literally die, like, die as in "im dieing" die)
and did yuo kno

wait no stop this isn't a poem this is just me explaining the fucking dilemma i'm in using formatting and the words "did you know" to trick you into reading it because i know you like poems ♥️
no i made that up i don't know if you like poems or not sorry it's bad to assume the experiences of other people. maybe you don't like poems that's cool too i love you anyway

anyway i hope i have made myself clear please just like give me a hug or something next time you see me because im going down the road of continuing this unit
and i don't know how i'll be able to cope with it or even begin to get back on track esp as it;s gonna need a lot of coding and coding makes my hands hurt again which makes me hate my life 4x as much

ugh im being a drama queen or some shit idk soz for being depressing im just stuck in my head etc.
aaaaaaaalso it's 1am and i've had alcohol for the first time in maybe 10 months and it affected me more than i thought it would so maybe this post came out of thattt umm idk idk bye

going through a lot of weird / normal feels

ah man

i don't know
i have a stupid job i guess which is good?? but it's giving me so much perspective on people
like people are so fucking predictable and stereotypical and shit talky and blah

i cant stand sitting in meetings and seeing everyone dress the same fucking uniform
like why is everyone in grey and white and navy
idk i guess this is a stupid complain
and i hate the way everyone talks the same
and i hate how people react so predictably to shit
and why cant people think for themselves

im not ready for adult life or ok with it

i miss everyone and i hate how we dont live in the same country... its been a while since the entire crew has been in 1 place together..
i know
im a fuckin child teenager person
also im sad because im a bit sick and also my leg doesnt work and my arms are always tired
and im so over explaining to people how i broke my leg or how to pronounce my name
and telling people where im from (eventho i am super proud to be south east or whatevs)

anyway im glad i dont work in a cafe or science lab as my main income because this broken leg thing would not fly.

i just.. what is life.. like why.. people are so fucking caught up..

i'm so lucky to have such beautiful friends though

0  clue with wtf im doin errday

oh wait more hui things!

didyou kno apparently skateboarding will be an olympic sport in 2020?? like wtf??/ thats mental!

also one piece is the best selling manga series in history as of this month, with 380 million copies printed worldwide! how dope is that!

torturing myself

still having issues getting over this
first world problems i suppose
but fuck man this song gives me life
as soon as that guitar started man
tears
so many tears


ah man help me

Man perspective really are a killer

I have to write this down here, i just have to.
So like, at my cafe i'm a waiter, along with hway there. And tonight I had a function from 9pm to 1am, where i had to bring out canapes and booze for the crowds. One of the bartender had given his shift to his Czech Republican mate (they're both from there) and he was to act as 'manager' but not really, cause the real manager was away he was really at the same level from us (his name too, Alex).

But like yo. So i see him from that perspective. "He's not really the manager, but rather just like us, and the same level," so I treated him that way. He tried to from me and Adrienne in line and make us have that kinda 'fear' perse by saying orders and things... but my perspective still prevailed.

SO then, he took it all as a joke, and had the 'ahhh you guys are right, let's just get through this' attitude.

Therefore, what is the mode of thinking that the older Alex had?
-a) He entered the cafe thinking; I am taking over for the other manager, so i gotta make sure they are in line. *kids rebel* ok nevermind that. :\
-b) He entered the cafe thinking, ahhhh they know whatsup, I'll just make some superiority jokes and they'll do the rest
-c) He entered the cafe thinking, Man, wtf am I doing here. Oh well, gotta impress the boss, make sure to play along with the kids for a while.

-d) He entered the cafe thinking, maybe they're interesting, idk, woop nup they're fisty better not try to intervene.

Like yo, there are so many more options.

Fuck man. People are complicated, and I love it. There will be a time when we will be able to categorise personality, so enjoy this anarchy of understanding whilst you can

Peace

That stupid fucking face.

So like for work right,

I'm stuck in the middle of these  2 bosses for like the next week until one leaves.

And this fucking shitty boss has  been away so much, I am talking about my communications with my other boss or like stuff I've done without him.

Everytime I do  this, he gets this frowny face and is like 'Why wasn't I included in this?'

I'm like...


In my head:

You really want  to know? Cause in like 3 months, you have been not here at fucking all. The only reason this place has had any marketing support is because of me.

They've got admin handled, but I've dealt with literally everything marketing related, and really except like one thing, I still  am, but then he  get's that stupid fucking 'why wasn't I included in this?' face

And I want to punch him.


I'm just like so done with him and like his face and his like attitude.

I'm sure they'll be ok while I'm away, but it's like at the level where there are things I have to prepare like a week in advance.

And I'm not looking forward to my inbox coming back. 100% that's gonna be like 500+ emails.

Work

Soon I have a job coming up in Lake Munmorah, which is real close to Lake Macquarie where we had blackheath 2.0. (Was it 2.5? I can't remember). I'll be there for 2 weeks, and my auntie has a holiday house at a resort location there, which luckily no one had booked out at that time (given usually it's a spring/summer location). I'm looking so forward to living up there for the weekdays (i'll come back for the weekends), it's gonna be quiet and I'll have the place to myself to do as I please.

If anyone wants to drive/train up to me I can give you the address and cook you a killer meal

Today I finished my last class of my entire university life

My graduation will be in November.

 I'm running out of reasons to be in the city of toronto that is so strange and weird to the point that systematic racism exists in my own cult but people have no clue about it.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 My last class was an art class about curating. it was aight but we got a chance to curate our own exhibition for our final project. So my project was about performance art and how to represent it. Cause playing videos or showing performance art might not be enough.

 So my project was like 3 works:
One where the artist stares into the eyes of an audience member for 10 minutes
One where the artists communicate to each other with semaphore flags
One where the artist is google and people ask them questions

So for my show, I made everyone in my class do it.

Like I made them stare into the eyes of each other, had people pretend to be google and other class people ask them random questions and had people communicate with flags.

It was terribly awkward. but like good? People immediately sat infront of someone they knew and were like, i hate making eye contact etc...
And people didn't want to ask questions ...

But it was like ok cause it was a reflection of them and our society. The whole thing was so uncomfortable and awkward. I was like nervous laughing my way through it and my prof was like...

-----------------

Anyway, this is the way i ended my uni life. Afterwards i saw all my friends graduate.

I talk about work too much

Man

I realised today, I would totally have quit my job if like I didn't like the company or the people.

But I like my other bosses, and like the senior people, the company also is like really left wing which is really nice.

Yeah but if it wasn't, I would have quit, like a month ago, or maybe after my holiday/found a new job.



On another note, my life is just work, that's what I do now, I work, and I know a lot about work things. I spend 10 hours a day at work. Then I get like a few hours of free time  and then I sleep for 8 hours.
Fun life I lead.


On a different note, Japan in 2 weeks.


On another note - I wonder what it's gonna be like going back to answering phones after all this, probably kind of boring. Maybe not, we'll see, I'm still gonna have to answer the phones, but maybe it won't  be just admin, there is a fair bit of admin though.

It's gonna feel a bit like being demoted, a bit sad really, after all the work I put in. I wonder if they realise how much I've actually put in this past 3 months.

I think I just need a break.

hey look im hwei

black rain frog

much face

very wow

^^how i look after i've finished uni with no job till july

Blanford's rock agama

Today I learnt about the existence of this lizard.
so beautiful. what a bad ass

oh wait look at this fan-throated lizard



what the heck how did nature do this


they like fully battle and shit wow

omg sorry im not done yet


it looks like some royal ass art origami thing happening wow


This one freaks me out a little bit ^

Bell's anglehead lizard:

look at that acid throat thing!!

Today I realized I have no hesitation to fight

Two Day ago,

I go into my student cult office. It smells like weed and cigarettes. In my head I'm like ???? I look to the only member in the office. Immediately he says "Ru we got reported. I mean not report there was three of us and we were smoking up on the balcony I'm sorry Ru it's 4/20" (He says this without any pauses). 

I'm like speechless?? Cause firstly I don't know how to deal with this situation and recently I've been like angry over a lot of things in my cult. So I'm like, dude you guys are really irresponsible. I go to my meeting and I'm like I'm going to fire these people. 

Today,

I call up this dude to get his full story straight. at 10 pm another dude who was mentioned called me up to be like "Yo Ru I'm okay with whatever consequence you give me, I'll take responsibility for my actions etc. etc." So I'm all like, in cult president mode being like yea dude you were really irresponsible etc etc. 

But then on the street (I'm on the phone on the street), some dude (accompanied by a large group of friends) pats my head. It takes me a while to realize and then in my head I'm like, I gotta pat this dude's head back. So to the phone, I'm like, HOLD UP HOLD UP. 

And I turn to that dude and start walking up to him. He like runs the fuck away. And then this chick grabs me and is like "YO BITCH GO BACK TO ASIA" 

and I'm like "YOU AINT EVEN PART OF THIS" and pushes her hand away and I turn back to that guy. Then the chick yells "chow chow"??? And this other chick takes and my hat and i turn to her immediately and grab her and shes like shouting and another dude is like, yo your hats on the ground and I'm like don't do that bitch and another dude tries to grab my phone but fails and i immediately grab him and im like what the fuck was that about??? and the guy who initially pat my head was like, yo add me on instagram and i was like I aint got time for that and then one friend jumps in and his like OK OK SHOWS OVER BYE WE DONE BYEE and pulls his friend away. 

And then they go and I'm still on the phone and I was like, trying to tell this kid to like not do drugs in the office but then mid way i randomly did something dumb and picked a fight with a group of people and like how do i even life/????

Ok the end. love u all. 

hey can i just say i really like this song

italians and facebook posts part numbers don't exist

ok so one: my phone has a really really good resolution. i really love this phone holy shit.
two: i love humans man. this isn't my usual vein of, "wow italians? racist ok" or sexist or whatever else bs conservative values they hold largely
this is just something really beautiful and i think i want to share it because it's lovely
i really like to interact and observe humans. human sentiment is like a resource. in the times when i feel particularly disassociative (which is a lot) i feel like i hold the objective to be: feel whatever makes you human, and then you are human. humanity is important. it is my goal almost, in a perverse way... i mean, I am human right? yet I crave instances of humanity in place of my own. I hope this makes sense ok enough lets fukken get on with it carnt

tradux (it's a fairly literal translation)
My promise for my children that I will uphold for as long as I live.
First: I am your parent.
Second: I am your friend.
I will persecute you, I will go out of my mind for you, I will pray for you, I will drive you crazy, I will be your greatest demon and I will hunt you down like a hound, if that's required because I LOVE YOU!
When you understand this, I will know that you are a person who is adult and responsible. You won't EVER find anyone who loves you, cares for you, prays and worries for you more than me! If you don't hate me at least once in your life - it means I'm not doing my job well.
Share if you are a parent and click 'like'.

(nb i think it's really cute that 'to click' in italian is 'cliccare')

== this was shared by a girl i met in spain (an italian obvs) who is not a parent but who seems fit to go down that role pretty soon, like at the age of 22. Because in italy family is important. usually i view girls who consign themselves to having kids early and who fixate on motherhood from a young age with contempt, esp because it's kind of still the norm in 21st century italy, and because i want these girls to know they can have any fucking future they want if they leave that fucking country. Italy has really bad sexism problems holy shit!!!
but at the same time this is kinda beautiful too and i think i'm just jaded because i never got to experience the kind of family life italians do where everyone is really close (even living there i felt like an outsider in their families i could not adjust totally but it was defs my fault). i am definitely not obsessed with my mother the way *all italians* are, and i also e.g. never really fought with my parents, and so i think it's really not my place to judge.

anyway isn't humanity great. this is such a pure expression of humanity i love it

so i have this side blog

it's best-minion-memes.tumblr.com and i ran it for like 5 seconds before i got bored with the idea

the point was to make something dumb and anti-society bs because im basically still an 'edgy' teenager (that's such a dumb word made to dismiss/belittle people who think critically about issues in their society. fuck herd mentality)

anyway someone submitted this???? what? why?? why do you? do this? like?

I don't understand? this is not? good? on? any? level?
is the joke? that black people's? lives? are worth less? and the way that you are gonna say that is by pretending you murdered a black person???????????
is the joke that? there's a juxtaposition? of a dumb mascot? with a violent act?
is the joke that there is no joke? and that the meme is poorly constructed? because there's enough of a seed of a joke that this can not be the case and the meme is not obviously a bad meme - there's no artefacting or emoji or other high-level countermeme techniques present, and the meme only features one meme creation website logo so this cannot be the case!!

there is no dumb existentialism here. what social commentary there is is clouded by the fact that the meme does not seem to be overtly critical of the idea of killing a black (sorry, capital-B Black) stranger; if it's satire then they haven't put enough thought into it to make it critical, and yeah i guess it's debatable whether the point of satire is to be invisible, but in this case i would say it's definitely not clever enough to pass for satire.
it's probably just some bored white young teen who harbors racist ideas putting it out there and using the form of "meme" to cover up his racist intent, like a dog-whistle situation. putting "xd so fune meme xd xd lol" as the caption is the equivalent of saying "no offence" after like, killing a random stranger who was Black

tldr: i take my memes really seriously and i will not be pressing "post" on this meme, because it violates my dead sideblog's stringent community standards.

and also i am completely full of shit wow look at those words i use "high-level countermeme techniques" god what the hell am i even saying why do i talk so convolutedly
no tbh i love it