you know what.(ode to emily hogg)

you know what, fuck this. why the fuck is everyone being so fucking nice.
emily hogg. had a party and people like vaile and i etc was not invited. yeah thats pretty old news. and then i was upset cause i thought like i was friends with emily hogg. so i tried to guilt trip emily but that didnt make me feel better. i have issues. when something happens, i will just be like sad and shit but than i will think about it for a long time and i never get over that shit.
i know that you said that you couldnt invite so many people so you had to choose your friends over other friends who could come. i know that you said that you couldnt invite so many people because if you did, your mom would not let you go to vietnam eventhough im pretty sure she wont realise how many people there were at your party. but apparently lovely madison and lovely lambert are better friends with emily than i was. lovely lambie and lovely madisun has a secret super close relationship with hogg. did you know that? and about lambie, emily, i really thought you were cool. lambie was all like, i dont like emily hogg, emilyhogg this and emily hogg that, well, i was all like emily hogg is cool and she is so super nice. i tried to make lambie like you but you know what, lambie was right (and his never right).
i thought we were tight. why man. seriously. and not only that, you said that you invited lambert because he found out and no one else was supposed to find out but lambie did so you had to invite him. so i was thinking about that and and i was all like cool, but than i thought about for a really long time and i was all like, this meant you wanted lambie to keep it a secret, this meant we were never to find out and oh if maybe my so called friends didnt find out about my secret party than it will be okay cause what they dont know cant hurt them. and maybe it will be okay to have a secret party and have fun without my so called friends and maybe they will just forget about it and move on and become friends again. the truth is, we were never meant to know. and when i said shit like 'what tiggy was invited and i wasnt?' and 'you invited madisun but not me?' like that and you were all like 'now your making me feel bad' well that was the point to make you feel fucking bad.
i was so cut cause i really thought i was tight with you. obviously not.
and you know what cut me the most? the fact that when vaile and i and you were talking and you said that you may have a party in the hols and that vaile and i would have DEFINATELY be invited, well guess what, we weren't. and you were all like, you guys should have been invited, it would have made the party so much better. sure. sure you mean that, you probably just said that to make us feel better cause you told joel the exact same thing. cause you told everyone that thought that they should be invited that wasnt invited the same thing like some stupid program responce that doesnt mean a fucking thing. if we would have made the party better why the fuck would we not be invited? got, im so angry. krrrrrrrrrrrrrrr got i hate life. fuck you emily hogg. you know i never felt so like tight wit you after that. i cant be alright after that cause i never let go of shit like that. like, whats up with the secrecy? i wish you told me you were having a party but i wasnt invited cause there was no room for me cause im so dam fucking fat. but like i could understand if you told me before the party. but no, its a secret so you have to keep it from your friends (or so we thought). it even says it on the text message the people recieved. why would you choose those people over us? and i really tried to guilt trip you but im not very good at that. cause guilt tripping is supposed to make you feel like shit. and i hope it does. i feel betrayed. fuck you, fuck life. i hate life, i wish i understood it and the people that lived it......
you know what, its not okay. and also that our friends are really bad at fights. like, we never fight or a fight never lasts for more than a day so i cant really fight you emily, cause i fail at fights. and not because i have no argument, i like peace and friendshipinity...
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btw, if you feel my anger, feel free to add to post.

damn that was a long post.