Hmm I was feeling reflective

I was feeling reflective so I wrote this,

I think there is an end now, to more things that what may appear. I guess it just happens and life goes on, never halting, never looking back, just going. It's funny how quickly some things change,
like a train hurtling a million miles an hours into the night, with people hanging out the windows to see the world as it passes by, looking back from where we have come and forward to where we are going, but never quite knowing what's around the next corner. Sometime I wish we could see everything that has happened, everything that will happen, what could be, what should be, what cannot be and what shouldn't be. I guess it's just a thing. Like nothing we can define until we have breathed our last breath and nothing we can see till we've taken our last look. And even then we probably don't understand it. I wish we could, but life is not made so that it can be understood, just to be experienced, the joy and the hatred of it, is almost ironic and yet, we are merely passengers on a journey, each of us going where we haven't been before, on new adventures everyday even though it may just seem like another one of those days. There is so much special about everything, I guess it's just a matter of seeing it, blind as we are. But we see it, I guess it's hope and it's the reason we get up day after day and we do the things we do. There is so much to do, and yet so little time, not in terms of minutes in a day, just in emotions, for if we truly understood all that has been or will be, we would never see the specialties, the insanities, it would all be predictable. And life is spontaneous, it is just one of those things and I love it, as i stand in the train, with my head out the window as the world whizzes by me at a million miles an hour, no matter whether it's raining or sunning, I love it. I love the things that make me smile or sing or laugh or dance, just living cause that's all anyone ever really wants to do, even when they don't, they do, it just depends on what you perceive it, we all see the same things, it's how we perceive them that makes us different. For we are our memories, everything that has happened to us, all shoved into 1 person. No-one is born cruel or kind, it is how we learn that changes us. In my short time in this train of life, I have learnt nothing if not, that every time we get up in the morning it isn't so we can see that person we want to see, or to go to that class, it's so we can go on living, seeing the special things, experiencing life for even those that have accomplished nothing have had a full life, it just depends on how you see it. We have everything we need to survive but we use things differently, I guess it's all just dreams and reality. The balance of everything, as life is hard to unbalance, it cannot be done, for it is merely a metaphor for existence. Everyone exists, only some people live. I want to live life, maybe not to the fullest but a way where I can see the special things everyday, where I can still look at a bull rush and think of it exploding and where I can still find joy in jumping on leaves. I want to live.

Not suicidal, just contemplative