dun judge me
now is a really weird time for me. I've reached the 5 month mark on my exchange on this shithole of an island and so only 3 more remain. I've been here for what seems like at the same time, both forever and for practically no time at all. This time now is basically the split between the two halves of my experience... no actually the trip to terralba that was one of the best fucking times of my life, that was definitely the split, cause it changed my mind about so much about being here, where I am now.
the first half obviously consisted of school, but I have no idea what this second half will entail and this kind of scares me. there are a number of possibilities branching out in front of me, some harder to reach then others, and I'm not entirely comfortable with any of them. it's really weird.
Also so many other exchange students are leaving, including my best friend for ages Rose who went back to Thailand this morning.
The three main options I have right now, that I am entertaining, are:
(oh shit that was an italian sentence in english not an english one)
1. Move host family.
2. Stay here and continue with work experience.
3. Stay here and refuse to do anything, be a dick until I get sent home.
I guess you guys have no idea about the work experience I am doing, so, tangent/long backstory:
My area representative person Marina is basically a huge fucking control freak bitch. She likes everything going her way, and does everything she can to make sure things work out smoothly in her interests. Probably the best point I can think of to illustrate this point is the fact that despite her doing this for about 7 different organisations, and for a period of time somewhere between 20-30 years, and despite the fact that most exchange students she deals with are native or learnt english speakers, she does not speak a single word of english, and refuses to try; yeah, the students are supposed to learn italian, but at least for the initial parts she should be able to help them when they need it. She's a doctor as well and is a colleague of my host parents on occasion. anyway a few months ago I was talking to her about changing because of the problems I'm having living here and she flatly denied everything I said ("look, it's normal for students your age to be only children and to have parents who work a lot, and not everyone goes out all the time or has lots of friends, most students in the area have friends who live in other towns instead, and some houses choose not to have a tv and that's fine too. you have to find stuff to do on your own, be independent.") and sent me home. I tried, for at least another month and a half, and I was surviving. nobody invited me to anything in that time, and for at least another 1/2 month before that. it's not like nothing happened either; they talked about all the parties they went to in class, at recess, even to me sometimes. given that the last party I went to I sort of invited myself to by asking "so am I coming?", I figured it was kind of bettter to not invite myself to stuff and take a hint, you know?
But then there was the trip to sardinia and hanging out with people for 10 days. 10 whole days of basically just chilling. it was the best. not quite as good as schoolies, but that was god-like (despite wasted potential bla bla bla) and I don't think any other thing will ever be as good. but it was close. so close. anyway this made me realise I had to change family, and desperately. Ever since I've been pushing as hard as I can trying to get things to end up a bit better. I didn't fucking sign up to sit around a house all day with no friends, hating every second of it. I wanted to go to fucking ITALY and live with a FAMILY not just be in a house. SARDINIA IS SHIT. It has an ugly history, and ugly culture and a moderately ugly language. One of the things the area rep kept saying to me was that even my town was a part of Italy, but if that's true how come everyone here tries so hard to make it known they aren't? I see more Sardinian flags than Italian flags. All produce and meat comes from on the island, not from Italy. Everyone asks me, 'how do you like Sardinia?' instead of 'how do you like Italy?'. All grafitti that I have seen, except for in Cagliari, is about 'Sardegna Libera', (free sardinia) 'SARDI X SARDEGNA' (sards for sardinia, 'x' = 'per'), the Sardinian flag, etc.
So after this I'm trying to change, right? So a week ago I send an email to my parents in Australia saying to try as hard as they can and then I get in contact with the organisation here and explain the situation.
They say this:
It's okay, you have to understand that it's hard changing families and you would have to start work all over again! You also have to understand that it's not uncommon* to have parents working all through the day. You have some work lined up in an oratory, and you should try get in contact with your friends to do something! Also we think having a TV isn't really an issue since you have your computer. You should talk to Marina about this; she says you had a chat with her on sunday and you've cleared everything up.
*the not-un formation, once you see it you can't not
And so I'm like,
Yeah nah but. My parents are never there, not even at night! I haven't really made any good friends yet, and of the people I would call friends the most they are involved in drugs and I'm not comfortable with that. also, what's this about having a chat to marina? that never happened, idk wtf you're talking bout. also whats happening with the work experience or volunteer work or whatever? I have no idea about any of that
and so they are like
Ok we didn't understand the gravity of your situation, we're considering it. We'll talk to Marina about it when she gets back and we'll get back to you about the situation in a week. Try to be more involved, maybe go for walks in the town and read some books in Italian to improve your language skills!
of course the whole thing is paraphrased but you get the idea
also it's hilarious because the two things they recommended I do are the two things I had been doing to try and pass the days here.
So anyway, fast forward to two nights ago and I'm wondering wtf is going on when suddenly, Marina has been on the phone to my host mum and within the space of a few hours they fully organise me doing some volunteering work in the local oratory. I'm doing work as a helper for a bunch of small kids and I'm sort of helping them learn guitar but honestly I was so disoriented during the whole thing I had no idea what's going on. there are a bunch of other helpers from the ages of 15-19 as well and they are pretty cool people.
but marina and my host mum don't consult me on this. I'm okay doing this work but I don't really like it that much, and I still want to move, and I hate that they can just give me a commitment that I need to go to every day without even fucking consulting me! I mean what the fuck, at least give me notice, let me know what's happening more than 12 hours beforehand yeah?
Thing is, I'm pretty sure Marina orchestrated this so quickly so that I would be forced to stay here and not move... I'm really pissed at her. In addition while I was doing all that yesterday she fucking calls me and yells at me in the middle of a big assembly thing for having plans to go to Cagliari to see our friend off as she returns to America, and not telling her. WHAT THE FUCK. So it's okay for HER to just randomly impose on me some shitty volunteer work with nuns, and then make me go to that simultaneously taking away all my free time for the next 3 months, without even fucking telling me, but she gets pissed at me when I want to do something personal for myself, for one day, and not telling her?
It was a fucking great day though. apart from being 42+ celcius degrees all day. chinese food is good stuff.
But the upshot is I am being pressed into staying here and I hate it here and I'm pretty sure that Marina, who is crazy anyway, is doing everything she can to make me stay here. Man it's like that one time that life was going really really really unbelievably shit for me for ages and I just got tired and said to myself, fuck doing this anymore, I'm just going to go out and change everything about myself and fix myself, and then I shaved all my hair and got awesome. But now I'm trying as hard as I can to change what I know is a fixable issue, but this fucking nanny keeps telling me and herself that it's better if I do what she says instead and that it's all okay when it's not and it's objectively better if I don't do what she says but do what I need to do.
So yeah, the tangent was long and had a bunch of other tangents within itself but eventually just turned itself into the main story...
TANCEPTION
so yeah, basically. from this point, here are my options:
1. MOVE
But I do know everyone here...
2. STAY + DO WORK
But I fucking hate Marina and I still have all the same problems when I'm not doing this shitty thing with nuns. And it freaks me out when everyone is forced to pray together, I mean they sound like robots who are controlling a bunch of people who all say the same thing at once, like you would see in a horror movie or some shit
3. BE A DICK AND TRY GET KICKED OUT
Actually no one thing I can not do is be a dick on purpose plus I don't really want to go back yet, I still haven't experienced Italy (/ I have but for like 10 days)
ok fuck guys, help me out here? what should I do? I mean I know it's stupid to pretend that I'm gonna even try any of the options that aren't option 1 but still...
help?
5 comments:
I think you should try and work for a bit and try and get close to those 15-19 years old people who work there as well for the next month and if that don't work out, then you should go somewhere else in italy because italy is a big place and there is lot more to experience.
also bro do you have a camera? Can you post some pics of sardanian scenery? If you don't then im going to consult google maps.
Man, ok dude, that sounds like an incredibly shit situation, and to be honest if I was in your situation I probably would have no idea what to do either. I know for fuck that I'm not going to Sardinia any time soon.
To me, the best option sounds like moving host family. Even though you have some degree of familiarity with everyone already there and you don't have much longer to go, I think it would be such a waste of potential if you were just to spend the last few months doing something that bores you to death every day, instead of taking a risk an either having an awesome time with a new family. I mean, let's face it, even if you end up moving to some Italian White Trash family who lives in a trailer park at least they'd be around to do shit with you.
How angry do you get with Marina? How clear do you make it known that everything is shit for you and you're not gonna do the bullshit she makes you do? I know it might be really, really fucking hard to aggressively get your point across (I probably wouldn't be able to do it) but at this point it's probably be your only option. Tell her what you want to do and TELL HER (don't ask) that you want to change what you're doing now for that. Refuse to budge. Don't fall for her bullshit. Let her know that holy fuck, you're a grown man, you can do what you want. Don't worry about her feelings or looking like an ass to her; she obviously already sees you that way and the only thing that will get her to change is to tell her how fucking little you care about what she thinks.
As for that 1 day trip thing, I say go to it anyway. Wake up extra early if you have to, go to the train station and just fucking ignore the town you're in now for a day. Marina will inevitably get mad at you, but who cares, she's already mad about nothing.
I understand that you're between a rock and a hard place and that everything just seems like pure fucking horseshit, but time is also running out and if you don't take charge of what YOU want to do this whole thing will probably just end up finishing as shitty as it started.
Also, I know it sounds sorta dumb, but you could consult /adv/ or even /trv/ about this, since you could get more answers and probably from people who've had experience in this.
And just good luck man. That's truly shit how you've ended up, but I guess it just shows you the mistakes you're not gonna make next time. Think of it as a learning experience, next time you travel you'll have wayyy more fucking freedom and will no to take no bullshit from people trying to press things on you.
I agree with what Maxim says, I suggest you try and move host families.
Maybe actually bring up the subject with Marina, that this place is not for you and you want to go to mainland Italy. You do have to impress upon her that you are an adult and you have the right to change your situation. I would also suggest bringing this up everyday, calling her, emailing. Making your situation known.
I agree with Maxim and Hogg. You need to make it known that you don't want to be here anymore and that you deserve to do what you want (and as I got told about utilising uni services) MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE PAYING HER and as such, whatever you want to do is what's right!!!
That said, I disagree with Maxim (unless you really have tried everything) about getting aggressive and stuff, cause there's always the chance that she'll be like "He's being annoying to me so ima be annoying to him." But if that happens, just remember again that it's your trip and that you're not just paying for it, but that you are paying her and subsequently, you are kinda her boss and as such, can tell her to make sure that what you want (i.e. changing host families) happens.
Just remember bro, it's your trip, so make the most of it and don't let her tell you any different!
As ma homies from Public Enemy once said, "Fight The Power!"
YO! I am hella late in replying, sorry, but surprisingly in Japan not everyone doesn't use computers as much.
So, fact is your in a shithole with practically no family and now little/no friends. If i had to put it simply, your back to square one right?
So, being back to the beginning, that which you had being gone, it seems like its all over right. But its not, youve lost friends now, but there is still hope to make more!! Those volunteer kids sound pretty cool, theres hope in them! Dont give up bro, the experience is still continuing, these kids might become some good friends.
Yeah that Marina lady sounds like a real pain in the 後。Just make sure you have a clear mind, thats my best advice. The hype should be well over by now, youve slept off the anger of yesterday. Whats done is done. Now whats left is to deal what is before you, and continue to interact with others.
That was my problem, when i wasnt hanging out with you guys i was usually on my own to be honest, and i had to change that when i got here. The main part of being on exchange is to interact, and talk with others. Even if its just a little- if people enjoyed that little conversation it will stay in their minds as a good thing, and grow out to become a good impression of you. If you dont interact, you are just leaving empty impressions, which people (unfortunately, yet inevitably) judge constantly. Just make sure your conversation isnt always about your problems, like a little someone we knew...because lets face it conversations like that are boring as shit.
Theres another exchange student here from germany, and alls she does is complains about what shes not allowed to do, and counts the days until she returns back home. Dont be that girl. (and btw im not being racist again germany in any way, fact is she is just from germany.Shes pretty hot too, but she ganied a little weight since she came here, again no racism against germany)
Theres always light man, always. Feeling shit just makes the happy times easier to appreciate.
If lifes easy your doing it wrong-
Keep us updated yeah?
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